2024 so far..

 Alhamdulillah all is good, not super great not super bad, just good. 

Though I do feel a little bit frustrated I got my period on the last 10 nights of Ramadhan (managed to at least pray full taraweeh on night of 21st but then have to endure 2 days of painful stomach cramp. But sickness washes away our sins hopefully.

Pray to God I can reach next year Ramadhan.

This year is also the year where my career is doing good and my boss have high hopes for me, feels weird people have expectation on you but I actually AM at that age where people starts looking up to you and expects u to lead the way and deliver. 

Funny how life is, you've been wondering what to do for years since you're graduating, hoping somebody can give you advice on what to do, what path to take in life, and when there's nobody to guide you, you just wing it and see what's work,  and one day u just cant wait for advice anymore cos you're freakin 37, But you still have so many unresolved questions!

So again, I'm torn between having to work well at my job and maintaining my climbing life. I know a huge chunk of the earth population will say why would you still want to climb(play) at this age? Focus on your work.

But climbing makes me happy, it is my identity, what I'm good at and the most important thing, it keeps me healthy going forward later in life. 

And Im not letting go of my work this time as it is the perfect job i have been looking for a long time. 

Now its just the matter of ME managing my time and attention. 

I can do this. 

I've been living my life without having any guidance/people to seek advice for the rest of my life, so what difference it makes now? I'll just press on as I always do. InsyaAllah.

Why I'm inclined to try a plant-based diet

1. Athletic performance - climbing

2. Health - Wanted to see if it could lower my cholesterol level.

3. Wanted to see if it could affect my poor hair/scalp health.


Watched Game Changer, Fork Over Knives & What The Health.
So all these 3 movies basically preached that meat, eggs and every other animal based food are linked to cause heart disease and cancer and plant-based food could even reverse heart disease.

I was in the process of improving my climbing at the time Game Changer was released and my friend ask me to watch it. As the movie also vow on improved athletic strength and performance, I instantly sold with the idea.

I already 'trying' to eat better at the time, (or at least I thought I did), I rarely touch instant noodles, KFC, McDonalds or Burger King. I did, once in a while but not as frequent as I was in my early 20s. I took multivitamins everyday, fish oil, cut sugar and salt where I can and add more veggies in my diet. But I still indulge my own creamy carbonara pasta every one or two weeks.

So I will try my best and see in a month or two if there's any improvement that I can see, maybe do a blood test again. See if it does lower my cholesterol level.
Will keep updating soon. Wish me luck!

Also  I did have a slightly higher than normal cholesterol count when I last did a health checkup in August.

I don't know how actually at the time cos I thought I don't eat that much meat, or fried stuff to begin with. Deep down I suspected its because of all the eggs I had. I LOVE my sunny side up egg. I have it EVERYDAY almost 3 times a day. Almost whenever I eat. If its not sunny side up, it will definitely be the ingredient in every dish I like, Nasi Goreng, Kueytiow goreng all have eggs, and my beloved pasta carbonara recipe involves 3 yolk mixed with parmesan chesee. So that should be it.

Tying the knot

If you knew me, I'm one of those who getting married is the last thing on her to-do-list.

But I'm a fan of early marriage too, IF and only IF, you already have someone you trust to spend your whole life with. I did write a lengthy post on that years ago.

If you already found the one early, then by all means, get married. But if you are single, there's nothing wrong with it, just enjoy life and be happy. Love will find its way. 

Don't force something that might not meant to happen yet.

In my case, I kinda already prepared to live alone till I'm old. I have arranged the next 3 years plan of what I wanna do. Alone. 

I started travelling on my own. 

My first solo trip was to Sabah, just to get a taste of what it's like to travel on my own, then when I get the hang of it, I went further to Koh Lipe. Then a little more further to the beautiful Palawan,
Then I pluck up all my courage to go beyond the continent and hence my trip to Turkey and Greece.

I came home with the biggest satisfaction I have so far. Some kind of fulfillment, or accomplishment. Couldn't really say.

Just a huge amount of endorphin release.

And then after few days, I got strucked with one question.

What's next?

I'm in the midst of planning my next best thing, coming up with plan, scratching it up, come up with other plans, and got stuck.

Then,  out of nowhere, this guy came to me. (Or came back to me)

He was a classmate from Form1(1999) till brief period of Form4 before I moved to Penang.

We used to went out together somewhere 7 years ago. But it ended up badly after some time. I did write it here somewhere too.

I did ask God,
Why him? of all people in the world?

The cocky, a tad bit egoist, famous sportsman who doesn't even glance at me in school. Might even mock or sneer at me at some point. I hated most of my classmates (if not all) at the time and I was trying my best to forget or at least repress all the bad memories i have  from that period of time.

So why did God send me this almost perfect guy, but he came from a period of my life that I'm trying to leave far behind?
what kind of game is this?

But then I realize, God always have reasons.
This guy cared for me.
The only person in the world who cared for me the way I always wanted to be cared.
He is not the boy I knew 17 years ago.
He is now a totally different man. He's a version 2.0 of himself.

He scolds me like a dad, asked me to pray like a dad and warn my spending like a dad.

He caress my head like a mom did to their kids, peeled my shrimp for me like a mom did for their kids, calms me when I'm down like a mom did to their kids 

He is chivalrous like a brother, protective like a brother, humorous like a brother.
He listen to me like a sister, give fashion advise like a sister and cry with me like a sister.

What else a girl who always feel uncared could've asked for?

So I marry the guy, and like every other couples, wishing this relationship will last beyond our lives.
Wishing this relationship will bring us closer to God.

I'm not the kind of person who displays affection in social media. I'm concerned of what others might think or say, or some might get offended, or some might think its inappropriate, Yes I'm overthinking, I can't help it it's wired in my brain T_T. I even complain to him if he did, (cos he loves to post stuffs on Facebook)
But I figured, once in a while I should, show or tell, how I feel , not for others to see, but for him to know, that I actually more than appreciate, grateful even, for all the things he has done for me all this years, for coming back to me, and for just, merely existing.

Alhamdulillah.

That's all I can say.

2016

I talked to my friend who work as a counselor yesterday, and ask her is there any reason I should be freaking out over turning 30. She is one of my senior back in the day.

She said if you're upset about some part of your life, try to review your life from the very beginning of it.

The good ones, age 5-6, what happened, 6-7, 7-8 and so on.

By doing that we can see the bigger picture of our lives, and realize the good part is more than that one particular period of sadness that we're having so much trouble letting go of.

Makes me realize that the part that haunts me takes only 10% of my entire life.

Why should I focus on that instead of the other 90%.

It kinda reassuring thing to do. Make you smile recollecting good memories that have been in the background all these while. They should be in the front seat of your memory, why shouldn't they?

Done with that.

Living life

After I graduated and started working, the main question that most of us have is how do we live our lifes.

I just go with the flow at the time and I also see some of my uni mates development from time to time.

Most of us go for interviews, get a job, some bought a car. Some got married and have kids. Some continue their studies. the more ambitious ones, started doing their own business as oppose to office hour job, some doing business on top of their 9-5 job. Some started venturing in investments. There are few however, doing a totally different lifestyle than others, travel. Yet an interesting one to think about.

I'm glad most of the people around me no longer care to be the richest or who have the expensive cars or branded clothes, but rather working towards financial independence at early age.

They no longer wanted to succumb to being a working bee for the rest of their lives.

Wherever I go, most of us have the same thought, time flies so fast when you started working.

When we were studying, 4-5 years seems like an eternity. After we started working, 5 years seems like a fortnight. That's literally what I felt. Feels like it was just months ago that I graduated but its actually been 4 years since I finished my final exam. Honest to God, this scares the shit out of me.

Even scarier when some 40-50 year old people I hang out with admit to it. To quote their word, 

'Wait till you guys have kids. One day you wake up, your toddlers are all grown up and u're 50.' 

Time flies faster when u're in your 30s - 40s.

I really love my job, and really want to do well at it but its taking the life out of me.

I'm running out of my twenties and still a lot of things I haven't got the chance or time to do. And I don't even have the time to figure all this shit out. 

Currently the highlights of my life is all these trips I take to different places. but that's like twice or thrice a year.

I don't want to have to live everyday looking forward to these trips. I want to be able to take trips whenever I want. I don't want to look forward to anything. 'Looking forward to something' is daunting.

Where am I going with all these? I've forgotten my point.

  

But it really makes you wonder sometimes if its all worth it. 

Revisited : Things to do before you reach 30

I wrote this post back on 2008 and kinda funny to look back of what I planned to do before I get to the big three-oh.

Some I've achieved, some I don't want to pursue any longer, some is still ongoing and some of them are ridiculous and doesn't even make sense at all.

So lets recap and see what I can add (what I still hope to achieve) before I turned 30. Hehe

1. Get a degree of course. Checked
2. Grow taller. I still can. I'm optimist. :P Haha No. I've been 163-164cm for 10 years now.:D
3. My own goddammit BMW One of the things I no longer have interest to pursue.Cars.
4. Go to Emirates Stadium Yeah still pursuing!
5. Speaks 5 languages - Malay, English, Mandarin, French, Arabic. I can probably cross off Mandarin now. 
6. Buy a house for my family. I really wanna stay with my family before i got married because I've been away from them since i was 10..=( My family already got a house. So I'll change it to just buy a house for me now. And that - Checked
7. Own an LV handbag *just one is enough* ;);) Nooooooo longer interested.
8. Working with Petronas or Malaysian National Space Agency. No longer pursuing. Current job is also my dream job since the last year of my degree. So sort of Checked.
9. Go Bungee Jumping Checked
10. Bawak my maktok and abahtok jalan2 and make them happy cos they've raised me and for being the coolest grandparents in the world! :P Maybe I have not exactly bawa them jalan2 but so far I've not forgotten to give some pocket money to them or treat them for dinner if I had the  chance. I know its not enough but i will always remind myself on this.
11. Live in another country for few months Yea still pursuing but I don't put it under before 30, just one of my life wishes now.
12. Pay for my brothers education or their cars or clothes anyhing. Supercool sister in the making.=P=P Not gonna pay for their car, but the rest is on schedule.:D
13. Bring my family to oversea for a vacation. If they up for it. So far they always declined all my travel idea. but yeah still pursuing.
14. Lasic Eye surgery Still considering. Not a priority though.
15. Go to MUSE concert If they still playing yeah why not.
16. Date Farid Kamil T__T I guess 2008 me was wayy into Farid Kamil. 
17. Talk to Mr.F This is also the time I have major crush at my Control Theory lecturer who's like  6 feet tall and 6 years older. And NO I did not get to talk to him. Haha

Well obviously most of it were not a real wishlist. And obviously my thinking is a bit different back then. I read these and I was like 'what the hell were you thinking man?'

So this year 2015 version wish. I might want to alter some of these wish. The big three-oh is less than 2 years time.
So mostly its just things to do in my life. Will no longer put a limit on what age i should get it all done. 

1. I probably wont be pursuing masters. Kinda already made up my mind on this.
2. I still get my fascination on being tall. Though I'm already considered tall among the women in my country, but I still dream of having long legs like Coco Rocha or Gigi Hadid, all those runway models. I believe a lot of girls do. (At the time I probably stalked Miranda Kerr and Alessandra Ambrosio on a daily basis)
But since growing taller is no longer an option, I can always count on high heels. (Wait this is not a wish)
3. I probably would buy a decent car incase my 20 year old Kancil decided that it have reached its time. But defo not BMW or that sort. Just as long as it is 4 wheeled and could bring me to point A to point B.
4. Go to Emirates.(plus watch a match there but I know its kinda impossible due to all of the season pass and everything)

5. After Mandarin, i'll probably go back to my Arabic learning. Brush up whatever I've forgotten and continue to master it.
6. Buy another house.
7.What bag now?
8. I wish I could be working on something i have a passion for. Haven't figure out what it is yet. At the moment I just wish to do my best at my current job. Maybe Lead Engineer in 5 years time? Maybe, I dont know if that's what I really want yet. Lead Engineer means more time = more headache = less life, where i dont really have that much life as it is. So ok, probably not. I don't know.
9.Go to a bungee jump that are more than 22m drop. Probably in New Zealand.
10. Will still try to remind myself on this whenever I visited them.
11. Live in another country for few months.
12. More to keep an eye on them to not make a lot of debt at early age. And force them to follow me travelling when they have their own money soon.
13.Back to point no 12 second phrase. If parents not agreeing to this, I'll drag my brothers.
14. Lasic Eye surgery, InsyaAllah.(In God's will)
15.Go to Muse concert haha yeah whatevs.
16 & 17 - obsolete.
New 16. I wanna go to Mekah for Umrah
New 17. I want to make sure I read (and understand) the Quran's content.

I'm gonna add another 3 to make it 20. I'm sure its gonna be all travel related.

18. I wanna go to Greece
19. I wanna go Istanbul
20. I wanna teach something. To primary schoolers, high schoolers, to uni students. I dunno what but yeah. Teaching.


So done all 20.
Will revisited this from time to time.

It's my birthday month!

I have few other drafts that are waiting but I'm gonna jump ahead and write this instead.

So I turned 28 this month.
I traveled solo to few places this year, got my dream job, meet new people and towards the end of my 27th year, own a house. It's not much, but it will be home.
Everything is to be grateful for.
To be honest, after I graduated my undergrad studies, there's not much to complain about.

It's been a while since I make any resolution for new year and new age. So next year I will,

1. ProbablyDefinitely manage my money wisely.
2. Involve in any charity related stuff

I have few projects in mind, more places to go and more and more cash needed lolz

What I look forward to in 2015,
1. Involve in designing large scale projects in my current company.
2. Experience the pain of house owners, what need to be done i.e.installing door/window grills, lighting/electricity, furniture and mostly: the monthly installment!
3. My travel in April. I'm scared but excited at the same time.

I don't have any fixed plan on the second half of the year but, roughly I have some plans and hope I can go there. I mean,  achieve it. Hehehe

The best thing about being an adult is that you don't have to depend on other people to achieve your dreams. It's all on you.

We'll see how thing pans out. InsyaAllah.

Grumpy me on my birthday eve waiting for my burger that never arrives.

Picture thanks to my dad lol.

With colleague Jaron.

I wanna compile all the pictures of things I've done this year, but I'm lazy now so probably next time.Have a great year ahead people. (^_^)

Why do people crave for attention?

I used to read somewhere that people who want to be an actress/singer are actually people who lacks attention and who really needs attention. That's why they are drawn to these kind of career, to have fans adore and admire them.

I don't know if this true.

Because it may not be attention they seek, but also recognition, or approval or desire to express themselves in a way that some others may not be able to do. Like singing or any other special talents.

Maybe its the uniqueness, the exclusivity, the feeling of being special or different than others.

In one of Lady Gaga's song, she specifically mentioned 

"I live for the applause, applause..

...live for the way that you cheer and scream for me..the applause, applause..."

So it comes back to attention.

That also explains why when there's a singing competition or audition in town, people would queue for hours and hours for the chance of fame.

Then again, it probably because of the easy money.

So why do other people also craves for attention?

I went to a Mandarin class few years ago, when the teacher, who really is not very good at teaching (well at least that was my first impression on him on the first class) literally ask us students to give him an applause at the end of the class because he said it will boost his confidence.

Yes, but why do he need to asked for it?

If he did a great job people will applause, or the least, thank him.

I'm one of the people who will try hard to recognize people's good effort but he was just average at teaching, he was nervous and stray out of topic a couple of times also not a lot of things he shared during that class, so I decided not to continue the course.

Anyway my point is, either its Lady Gaga or that mandarin teacher, everybody needs attention whether you want to admit it or not.

At first I thought its only people with troubled family, or someone who doesn't get enough attention during their childhood that needs attention from other people the most in order to compensate that said lacks of attention they receive in their early life. But I found out that that's not always the case.

Because if by that logic, all thousands of people who lined up for hours outside the audition room must be all from a troubled family/childhood. Of course they are not, right?

There are people who have supportive and caring parents but still looking attention from a lot of different people. So maybe attention from parents and family are different from attention given by friends or love interest or fans and admirers.

And then now is the social media era where everybody have their own platform to express themselves and get attention from other people.

Come on, we post statuses on Facebook to get attention, we tweet, we post videos on Youtube, we Instagrammed everything we eat and do, and places we go, doesn't part of it (if not 100%) is to get some responses from other people?  

The problem now is, everybody wants attention but nobody wants to give attention.

It's a surplus problem all over again. Demand is more than supply.

So why do we need attention? Which part of our brain that produce this hormones or something that make us need attention from other people?

Because expecting attention from other people is not good. expecting is not good because it leads to frustration.

But to not expecting attention is impossible because its in our nature to seek recognition and to be noticed. (God I hoped not)

Now I wish I had learned psychology.

But since I'm not and I don't know how to switch off this needs of attention, maybe what we can do is to give attention in order to received it back.

Maybe small act can make a difference, like trying to listen to your friend stories rather than make them listen to yours all the time. 

Say thanks and smile to the toll gate person, or your waiter or even the cleaner in your office.

Praise the chef or your mom if they cook you a delicious meal.

The list goes on.

But the most important is giving attention to your family and friends.

Yet most people remain ignorant and sometimes egoistic to show attention to their loved ones.

I can't seem to find a conclusion for this post. And the touchpad's not working. probably a sign to go to sleep. 

So I'll just stop for now.

Expectation management : Why negativity is underrated?

In some cases yeah, a little negativity wont hurt.

During my uni years, I've always been told that I'm  a negative person. When more than 2 people told me the same thing, I started to think this is not good. So all these while I've been trying to be more positive and shake that negativity off me. Because positivity attracts positive things, create positive vibes and will increase life quality.

Yes, that's very true.
But as I grew up, I realize that positivity has it downside.
Particularly in expectation management.

First, positivity sometimes could lead to  nonsensical self worth.

Take for an example few cases here,

Case 1: Job hunting
A fresh grad, asking for 4000RM salary.
'Because I'm good. And I deserved it' 

Says who? Even if you are a 4.0 CGPA student, when you start working, you have to learn new things and everything from scratch. The first year of you working, your company basically pay you to learn stuff. Is 4K reasonable for a fresh grad? Ask yourself that. Unless you are working with Shell, Petronas, Schlumberger or your own father's company, the answer is No.

Interview
Positivity before interview is important to built confidence and reduces nerves. 

Also during interview because you are selling yourself and you should be convincing to attract the interviewer's attention. But even too much positivity and confident have the risk of appearing too cocky or arrogant.
But after the interview a bit of negativity is good because it lowers your expectation. So if you get the job you'll be happy, if you don't you're ready for it.

In this case, the negativity is like a defensive mechanism.

Case 2: Perks
Someone who just started working demand company benefits and perks just because someone else got it.
Well that person got the benefits because they deserve it, they have a certain contribution to the company.
Evaluate yourself. Do you deserve that perks? Just because someone got it doesn't mean everybody else will get it too. Even if there are people who get what they don't deserve, don't expect yourself to be that person. If you want rewards and perks, work for it. Don't expect people will just give things too you.

Case 3: Relationship
A single person, wants a partner that have good attitude, understanding, supportive, caring and good looking. And also the person must accept him/her for what he/she is. This is already conflicting. If everybody wants to remains who they are, then who will be the one with all the positive traits stated above?

This is all because of the positivity of,
'I'm great, I shouldn't change myself just to make people like me. If the person really loves me he/she should accept me of what I am.'

Come on, we all have bad habits, attitude that we never realize we have. And I think a change of some of it is necessary. It will make us a better person even. It's not fair if we always want other people to change for us, but we refuse to change ourself.

Point is, positivity makes people expect a little too much.
Negativity on the other hand, lowers the expectation a little. This applies on every other aspect of your life, be positive as you may but don't let it make you a selfish person and expect other people to make things happen for you and do things your way. You will definitely get frustrated sooner or later.

But still positivity is key. You can be like 70% positive and 30% negative. No lesser than that.
I used to be so negative during my uni years, it drains me out and push people away from me.
Even good friends. Now that I've learned to rationed it, organized my thoughts, I've been more positive and maintain the remaining 30% of my negativity just so that I don't expect my life to be all rainbows and butterflies.

I don't have expectation towards people, or anything that I can't control.
Means I don't expect everybody to like me, or be nice to me. I don't expect my student loan will suddenly be revoked, or simple everyday stuff like winning a lucky draw or no more traffic jams.
That's very unlikely to happen. You borrow money, you pay it back. You hate traffic jams, get out from your house early. Right?

Like people said, Expect less, Give more.
That's exactly what it is.:)

To all the single ladies out there

Before you read this post, bear in mind that I actually encourage early marriage.
But this post is intended to single 25 years over girls that are looking to get married but still haven't and couldn't find the right guy.

The problem at hand

Why do you want to get married?
    A. Because everybody my age have got married. Some of them even have few kids already.
    B. Because I don't want him to fall for other girl.
    C. I don't want to be single and alone for the rest of my life.
    D. It's Sunnah

Here are the answer or should I say, an excuse some people give as why they want to get married so bad.

Let me explain why.

Reason A - Because everybody else does. 

This is a society pressure that someone at certain age have to get married, if not he/she is a loser.
Normally it's older people who have these kind of thinking, parents, grandparents, relatives and all of that sort.
Marriage is not and achievement. Something you have to do so that people think you are successful or something. It is not.

Most people mindset is that after you obtain your education, you get a job, you buy a car, you get married, have a children, then you should buy a house, bigger car etc etc.
If people didn't live their life according to these order, then they're a loser. They're not successful.
No. Life is like people said, is a canvas. Nobody asked you to paint a tree only, or a cat, or a bowl  of fruit. You can paint whatever the hell you want.
It's your life, you are free to live it your way.

You don't get married because you see all of your friends got married. Sometimes girls they love to see all these beautiful wedding decorations and they started dreaming of their dream wedding and sometimes with the intention of 'my wedding will kick her wedding's ass.'

What do you want is actually a wedding, not a marriage. Please understand that you only get your wedding that one night. But you get your married life for the rest of your life. So if you really want to rub on other people's face about something, make it about your marriage. Not your wedding.

But truly, marriage is NOT a competition.

You get married when you are ready. Not to win some competition.

Marriage doesn't mean you excel in life where single people doesn't.

Marriage doesn't mean happiness. Not all married people are happy 24/7. They have ups and down same as single people. So its basically no difference whether married or single in terms of life quality. It's all up to individual/couple to make their life better.

Reason B - Because I don't want him to fall for other girl.

You don't force a guy to marry you if he's not ready. If he's ready he WILL marry you and be prepared for all the future responsibility. If he's the type who easily fall for other person, then what makes you think marrying you would stop that? He will fall for other person even if you guys're married. So don't make this a reason.

Reason C - I don't want to be single for the rest of my life.

I know being single can be sucks sometimes, because you'll get lonely at times and you have nobody to share same experience and do activities you like with or maybe a shoulder to cry on or just somebody to tell your daily stories to. But bear in mind, there are couples who complaint their bf/husband doesn't listens, doesn't share same interest or even make effort to share their life story with you.

My point is, yes it's lonely at times but sometimes married people do feel lonely too.

You can be happy on your own, you can be happy with a partner, you can also be sad in both situation. Its not definite that if you are unhappy on your own then you will never find a partner. No, because all type of people can meet someone who attracted to their other traits.

I think the point here is that, you have to learn to live on your own first. You cannot expect to get married so that other people can take care of you. Don't be a dependent person. Yes there are certain things we do need help from other people, but there are a lot of things you can handle and solve by your own. Because you are looking for a life partner, not a caretaker.

But you also don't have to be too independent until other people take advantage of you. Everything should be in moderation.

Answer D - It's Sunnah

This is always an excuse by university students in the middle east or any student with religious background who preach but don't really understand what he's preaching.
Yes in Islam, getting married is our Prophet's Sunnah, the pahala/reward is like you build a mosque.
But you have to think back, marriage comes with responsibilities.
If you cannot cater for all the marriage needs, you are not ready to be a wife, a mother and make all the sacrifices you have to make when you get married then it will be a sin all the same.

Mostly the issue is when young people/student get married they didn't have any plans. Problem happens when the girl gets pregnant, then she can't go to class, always sick, have to take frequent leave and it effect their studies.
When the baby is born, now the husband too cannot go to class, now they have to think about money, have to work part time and resort to ask support from parents back home. Imagine the parents already have to support their education and also other siblings education, now they have to support their grandchild too. Haven't we burden our parents enough?

But it's good when the couples know how to plan their married life.
They can go to class together, study together, and excel together and have a kid when they are financially stable and ready to be a parents.

A good reason to get married:
    A. Menghalalkan yang haram.
    B. Because I'm ready.

Answer A - Menghalalkan yang haram.(To permit was is forbidden.)

This is actually why Islam encourage people to get married at young age.
Because after we hit puberty, we will have urges, so to avoid social problems that leads to teenage pregnancies, or rape or to avoid fitnah(slander), parents will find a capable guy and arrange their daughters to marry once they get their period so that he can take care of her. Some even before they get their period. Of course they will not live together until they hit puberty but this is the practice of Muslims at the old times.

Honestly, I like this idea. Not getting married once you get your period, but getting married at young age. In terms of menghalalkan yang haram. The whole thing I said about getting married in university.
For me if we really want to practice this, make marriage easy. If a student find someone suitable during university time, let them get married so that they can do everything together without being fitnah. Noneed for the extravagant ceremony and fancy celebration, that can be done at any point of the marriage. Let them continue uni life as the halal 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. Children can be planned after they finish study and get a job and ready.
The point of making a ceremony is to let people know that you are married. Now is the technology era. If it's just to let people know, just make some nice e-card and tag all the people in your Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
After graduate and get a job, if you can afford it, then its up to you to throw a super fancy wedding reception or the biggest wedding of the year all you like. Whatever you want. Doesn't matter anymore. Because the most important part is done, the haram has been halaled.

But I'm getting out of topic. This post is meant to single mid twenties and above girls who are looking to get married.

So carry on,

Answer B-Because I'm ready.

If you are ready, financially and emotionally and you have someone who you trust to share your life with, no matter if you are 16 years old or 60, then carry on, get married. With good and pure intention, InsyaAllah everything will be ok.

I know at one point everybody have the urges to have children of their own, but only few ever thinks whether they are capable enough to be a good parents. It's not simple you know, it's not just money. You have to raise a human being. Don't be selfish, if you can't be a good parent, you are being unfair to your future child.

Child factor

Being a mother is not only for the first 2 or 3 years of your child's life, its for the rest of your life. Normally from what I see, newlyweds are so excited taking care of their little baby from pregnancy until they were born, then come second child, third child the attention towards the older child became less and life hasn't been as rainbows and butterflies as the early marriage phase. What some people didn't realize, as your children gets older, when physical attention are less needed, the emotional attention have to be increased. Raising children is not a few years job. Its a lifetime job.

I'm getting off topic again this is not a post for parental advice. Back to the topic.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't have children, I'm just saying that you should consider these factors before making decisions.

Greener grass

There are some people who are head over heels in love at young age and think that love is all they need, got married early and then few years later see their still single friends enjoying single life, going places, experience great things while she's at home taking care of kids and started wondering the what ifs and whether or not she made a right decision by getting married too early.

That single friend with money who have all the fun in the world might not be as happy as she thought, while the married people with kids envying all the time and fun the single people can have without having to listen to kids screaming every now and then.

You know, grass is always greener on the other side. Don't do this, there will be time when our grass is greener than other people without we even noticing it.

Considering the odds

Looking at another perspective, statistically speaking, its a known fact that there's more female than male in this world, so there are bound to be women that won't meet their partner in this life.

One of my opinion is that, for those of you who believe the hereafter, God have promised us, all humans are made to be paired. Setiap kejadian itu Allah jadikan berpasang-pasangan.
But God did not mentioned it is only on earth, maybe if it's not on this life,dekat dunia ni, you will find your partner in hereafter, dekat akhirat nanti. Because we believe that our life doesn't ends here on earth only, hidup kita bukan dekat dunia je.There's also hereafter.

Plus if you look at accident statistic or death involving boys or teenagers, these boys all have their own partner written on their life, jodoh yang sudah ditetapkan. It was destined for them to go first and leave their partner behind. And they will meet in hereafter. But this is only my opinion. Only God knows.This is all his work. So who are us to questions God's will.

Not your fault

And don't keep on blaming yourself or saying it must be something wrong with you, it's NOT, it's just how things are. I have a lot of single girl friends who are smart, kind-hearted and successful in their career.
It's just life. Also like I said previously, there's already an unbalance ratio of guys and girl in our country. Then you can be 100% sure its hard to get a quality one among whats left. For an example, I have a single guy friend that if we rate him out of 10, of his career/life achievement, attitude/ maturity,family backround, etc, he's basically a 3. 4 if you consider big and tall as a plus point. But he's kind hearted so I tried to set him up with a girl friend of mine, that I rated an 8. But this 3 guy does not interested with the 8 girl. He's not even trying hard enough, I was like what the hell man? You'd be damn lucky to have her. But that's not how these thing work I guess. So if you do get married in the future, good for you but if you don't, then good for you too. Because you don't want to be like "I don't care if he's less than a 4, I just want to get married."
If you value yourself more, don't settle for less.

The culprit

Another thing to stress out, please, pleaseeeee I beg you, DO NOT watch all the sappy romantic malay dramas on TVs, or read all those crappy teenage love novels at the book stores. All of those make you have high unrealistic expectation on what your love life/married life/future boyfriends/husbands should be. Which is never existed. These dramas and novels are what to girls, as porn to guys. It didn't do you any good. Just leave you feeling unsatisfied with your real life.

Conclusion

My point is, you don't need to be with somebody to be happy. At least plant the idea in your mind so that you won't put too much hope on meeting some prince charming which existence you never truly know off.
It's okay to be on your own. And there's sooooo much thing you can do in this world even if you don't have a husband wrapped around your waist.

Appreciate and enjoy your current situation whether single or married, because you never know when its gonna last. If you're married, make the best of your married life, enjoy your husband and children's company, do everything you can to make them and yourself feels happy.
If you are single, enjoy single life, do all the things you wanted to do, be it whether continue studying, climbing Everest, starting your own bakery, travel, live in another country, do charity works, there's so much this world that God have made for us has to offer, how wasteful it is  if the only thing we care about is how to get a husband :(
Seriously, any other thing, do it. Its your own life.

Married people who tease you for not getting married might actually been jealous of your single life because if someone is contently being married, or happy with their own life for that matter, she doesn't have time to care and judge other people's life.

I hope this post will help all the single people to stop looking for a boyfriend/husband and instead enjoy life and focus on your interest hobbies or career. There's a lot of thing in this world that can give you happiness beyond your expectation. You just have to look for it. This is your life. You are in charge of it. You define your own happiness. Not others.

Good things will come to you when you less expected.
InsyaAllah.

What am I doing with my life?

What are you doing with your life?

Go to school>Go to university>Get a job>Get married>Have kids>Buy a house

Then what?

What if someone didn't live according to that order?

Some say the most important is to find love.

Some say we should find money and security in our old days.

Some people my age are busy building a family, having kids, raising kids, saving for the kids future.

Some of them busy gathering wealth, they have aims to achieve, some are working hard to achieve successful business, a dream car, and some working and planning their future to achieve financial independence.

I'm still considering the way I'm gonna live my life.

I have no point here actually. Just thinking.

What if I don't want what other people want? 

Because these past few months, when I think of doing something I will question myself of the reasons. 

Like when I think of furthering my studies, I will ask myself, 'Why do you want to further your studies?'

When I want to buy a house 'Why do you want to buy a house?'

Most of it will answer something that have to do with my future.

Education is for better career in the future.

House is a saving method for the future.

All of what people do that I mentioned above, kids, dream car,business, everything is for the future.

The thing about future is, it is not definite.

Isn't there something that I can do for now? For the present?

I know I can do whatever the hell I want with my life, 

but what?

Hmm..*thinking cap on*

Story about money

After 2 years working as an Engineer, 2 years of throwing away my money to shopping malls and God knows where, I finally decided to think about the future and do something worthwhile with my money.

The first year I've always said to myself, 

'Argh I don't want to save anything yet. I just want to spend my money buying all the things I never got to buy or do things/go places that I never got to do/go during my study years.'

By second year I already started thinking about houses. How do I buy a house? Or do I buy a car first? So I start googling how do I buy houses. Then I figure out that buying houses needs a lot of cash. And to have cash you need to have savings. I think, ok maybe I can start saving now. And do more research about property hunting and everything.

(Mostly all those info I get from Blog Ariff.)

From there I don't only learn about property, but also other means of investment. Everything that leads towards achieving financial independence.

So from there I did a lot of research on my own, reading books, going to seminars or exhibitions and by now I already stopped shopping mindlessly, and create some saving/investment portfolios.

I know our parents already thought us to save since we're in primary school but actually the key is your own consciousness. Normally people, specifically me, I will follow orders/advice with reasoning. Like why they don't let us smoke, why they don't let us do drugs, why can't you do this do that, everything must have a valid reason. Not just plain don't. Normally if I don't see a valid reason, I won't follow the advice until I realize the reason on my own.

So when my parents ask me to save money during that time, I don't see the point. 

Only now I see the point. Haha

But I don't regret the money I spent when I look in my closet full of clothes and car boot full of shoes.

I think its totally just.

From teenager until my uni years, I don't get to spent as freely as my peer did, I don't get a motorcycle/car, a handphone, branded clothing or even a Converse. (I did manage to get my first Converse by doing some modelling job last time) Plus studying in a private uni with all the rich and stylish kids doesn't make it any easier.

So during my working years, I totally befriend the nearest shopping mall and spent every dollar I have buying stuffs I want. I don't even give a penny to my parents on the first year.True story.

Like every temporary interest, it will gradually decline and the way I look at clothing boutique has change now. I no longer have the desire to go inside everytime I go to malls. I started giving to my parents.

And get serious in saving. Macam dah bertaubat lah kiranya ni.=P

Now I already have savings in fixed deposit account, Tabung Haji, ASB, unit trust, insurance saving, (still considering on PRS though) and on the process to buy my first house.(Pray for me!)

Car? not now. Not until few other years maybe. I will stick to my Kancil as long as it can serve me.

So I advice youngsters, I wont advice you to start saving, instead I want to advice you to find the 'kesedaran' to start saving early. 

Imagine if you save from young age, maybe by the time you finish uni, in your very first job you can straight away buy your first house already.

But people my age or even older, there's always time to start saving. Better late then never right guys?
There's a lot of books and even seminars on investment matter. Plus its a Google era, everything's on the internet now. Nak tak nak je kan.:)

My KK Trip - Sapi Island

*continued from previous post

Saturday morning was so beautiful I plan to NOT do anything. I just stay on the bed, enjoying my own sweet time watching Barbie on TV and plan stuffs for tomorrow. 

I went for a late lunch at Tanjung Aru beach after that and just walk around there and wait for the sunset. At least that's the plan.

Tanjung Aru Beach

You can just walk along Tanjung Aru Beach until you reach Shangrila Tanjung Aru.

Unfortunately for me, when I had my lunch at around 4pm it started to rain heavily until 7pm. 

I was stranded in the cafeteria for like 3 hours.

Later that night, to compensate the not so lucky event, the Joyce of it all belanja me seafood at KK town. Yeay! 

Thanks Joyce! Please belanja again! Hehe. 

So on my last day I plan to go to Sapi Island.
Sunday morning after breakfast around 7am I checked out from the hotel and went straight to Jetty. I managed to get a ticket to Sapi Island around 9am. I already brought some food along since I'm planning to stay there until 3/4pm.

Sunday is different. The jetty was swarmed with people, so I have to wait longer for the boat. But the weather was good. So I just wait. 

And Sapi beach/water is way better than Manukan. Its all blue and green and turquoise here. Sapi was way smaller too. And more people than Manukan on Friday. But mostly because it's weekend.

People are allowed to camp here so you can see a large group of people doing activities and barbecuing on the beach.

Also, diving courses are conducted here as well, so you can see a lot of divers on the shores along with other day trippers. A bit too many people for my liking but I still can find my own spot at the end of the beach far from the crowded area.

Once I arrived at Sapi, the boat driver showed me some activities I can do there. Maybe because they see I'm on my own so they suggested me stuffs to do so I'll not be bored lol. I'm not looking for parasailing here as well so they suggested zip-line flying to me. I don't understand what it is at first but after they show me the zip-line from Gaya to Sapi Island, I agreed straight away.

I knew you can walk from Sapi to Gaya on low tides frpom my internet research, but I dont know they have zip-line as well. Haven't stumble upon it on the internet before.

It costs RM50 but I don't bring enough cash. So I just gave them RM43. Hehe. I literally just bring my IC and couple of 10RM notes in pants pocket, couple more in bag pockets, couple of  1RM here and there when I knew there'll be no lockers to keep your belongings on the island. 

And then there'll be a boat to take you from Sapi to Gaya. It's just opposite Sapi, it was like less than 3 minutes boat ride.

Gaya Island is actually the biggest Island in the area. This is one side of it.

After they put a harness on me I need to climb this stairs up to the station. Only like 1 minute climb. But I was super exhausted. Damn I don't have anything called stamina in my body.:D

So thats Sapi looking from the Gaya zip-line station. 

It was a fairly short route, but I'm lovin it!

When I arrived at Sapi platform I didn't manage to grab the other end of the staff rope that's waiting for me on the platform, so I was pulled away from the platform. So while waiting for the staff to come and rescue me, hanging there doing nothing, I snap other picture. :)

This is Gaya Island taken from Sapi Island platform. 

(well, I'm still on the rope,not on the platform yet)

I accidentally snap my rescuer's pic on the way. heh.

After zipline, I went to find my spot at the end of the beach.

A little info, Sunplay 130SPF doesn't really do wonders on me. I might not have severe sunburn but I'm one tone darker now especially my arms. *cries*

So after that is just more snorkelling, laying on the beach, reading novel, eating my lunch, snorkelling again until 4pm. 

Snorkelling here is a bit challenging because the first time I went into the waters, the tide is residing, so a lot of people accidentally kicked or bump into the corals and got cut. So the lifeguards closed the common area and only open the deeper water areas. They segregate the areas by rope buoys. So people who doesn't know how to swim didn't go there.

I want to go because I'm still not satisfied with what I see just yet. So after lunch I went by my own to the deeper area but this time the wind is rising, so not being able to swim, I got swooshed easily by the wind to the end of the rope. Damn frustrating. I also got bitten by a fish on my leg because I was standing on a sand i thought its clear but turns out near to the coral/fish house. So the fishes thought i was threatening their home. I saw few others got bitten too but too late to warn them. Hehe.

  So I went back to the beach and got offered by a lifeguard to guide me to the deeper waters.

And then only I get to see what I want. The lifeguard even bring me to the place where the diving courses took place. No wonder they do diving courses here in Sapi. More variety of corals and fishes. Damn satisfying. It's really are sea garden down there, and they are way more than in Manukan. I cannot explain with words or picture*cries* so u have to just go and see it.

Later around 4, I shower and changed, catch a boat to the jetty and went straight to airport to catch my 650pm flight.

This was actually my plan for day 2 and 3 few weeks before my trip.

 

I didn't go to Prince Phillip Park. 

I didn't get to watch sunset.

I knew the Kindawan Horse ride hasn't been operating for few years now.

I didn't go to Pasar Pagi.

Didn't go jalan2 KK.

And definitely didn't go to Lok Kawi.

But my visit to these two Islands have been more than I could ask for. 

Time to search for next destination. 

OK that's all for now.Till next  time.! (^_^)

My KK Trip - Manukan Island

Yes. Finally I got a chance to blog! It's been ages I haven't be able to post something here.

(Quite a lot of story need to be channelled out of my system,seriously.)

Anywho, last week I went to KK. Booked my tix like a month before that, so I went to Sabah for the 2nd time, I went there years before during my uni time doing some club activities. But I just went to Beaufort, and Kundasang. Hence this second trip.:)

I might not have write here about my deep down longing for beaches, but yeah I'm a sucker for beaches and islands actually. Just you know lah study time, where got money and time and transport and everything.

So now dah kerja is the time lah kankan.

Let me share my planned itinerary:

I wrote 'bloghopping' *facepalm*

This is what happened.

Almost 11am - Arrived at KKIA (It's a Friday btw)

Turns out Casuarina is damn near to the airport. You can literally walk it'll be like 15minutes away. But I have free shuttle service so why walk. heh.

But by the time the driver came it's already like 1130 so I rushed to the hotel and changed my clothes hoping I didn't missed the last boat from Jesselton Point Jetty to the Islands.

At the time I haven't decided my ways of transportation yet (heh,so much for planning ahead), scooter rent cost only 45RM per day but needs 300RM deposit. Nah, I need money for other stuffs. 

But luckily the shuttle service also offer rides to KK town so yeah I went to Jesselton point right away.

So I got the last boat with the help of the shuttle driver. And I managed to brainwash two Hong Kong girls who're with me in the shuttle from the hotel to come along with me to the Islands. Oh ya I went to KK alone since my family were not free, my housemates had other plans so I was like what the hell, I'll meet Joyce there anyway so ya solo trip FTW!(wait for it..)

Since it's already almost 12noon, we're only allowed to one Island. So I picked Manukan, since I'm bringing tourist so I think Manukan have better facilities and bigger. I was expecting large crowd for some reason so smaller island must be packed. But turns out it was like 8 people there. Heh I'm kidding but seriously, not too many people.

View from the boat

Some facilities.

So, if not too many people naturally the lifeguards will be superkind to show you the corals and guide you snorkel. Not that you can't snorkel on your own, but these lifeguards know the good spots and they'll bring you to deeper waters where you can see a lot more interesting stuffs rather than you just wandering on the shore on your own.

Honestly, I thought snorkelling will be boring. Hence I plan to do parasailing once I arrived at the island.

But when I start snorkelling, I can't stop. There's a lot to see and touch (heh). Can't help it, they're just sitting there, weird corals, weird worms and everything saying 'touch me! touch me!'  =D Well no living things were harmed during the process so we're good.

But I didn't feed the fish or anything, I just looked. Literally I will stop at a spot for a minute and stare at the group of fish, or a giant clamp open and close it's shell or maybe just a seaweed waving here and there like its a whole new world down there.

I stopped at around 4 since I'm already tired trying to move my body to keep up with the lifeguard everywhere. By the end I just let him dragged me back to shore. Yes. I'm a lazy ass.:D

Plus our last boat back to the jetty was at 430pm.

The other girls had fun too and they were like, 

"Luckily we follow you here! If not we'll just spend another day at shopping mall like the day before."

I mean who come to KK for a week and never went to one of the islands right?

You're welcome girls.*flip hair*(^_^)

So I walked with the girls to Handicraft Market and Filipino Market. One of the girl was looking for rambutan but all I can see was mangos and more mangos. So no luck there.

We parted ways, since they want to find a seafood place and I just want to lie down and sleep till tomorrow,  I haven't sleep since the day before. (I was getting all my work done at the office until past midnight on Thursday, went home around 2am, pack my stuffs and went to Putrajaya Central at 4am. I had on-off sleep on the flight, and after that straight to all the snorkelling and touching sea stuffs activity. I need a serious nap more than ever at the time)

So I call my saviour/hero/host Joyce (she just came from her office) to pick me, and belanja me Avocado Milo at Tanjung Aru Beach. Sembang2 for a bit and I really slept till the next morning.

God this is getting too long, I'll continue my Day 3 in the next post.

Asrama Penuh Vs Sekolah Harian

*Old draft

Tiba-tiba saya terfikir untuk cakap pasal ni. Ramai yang ada pendapat masing-masing.
Ramai kata, asrama penuh lagi bagus, ada yang kata depends, ada yang kata harian. Macam-macam sebab.
And bagi saya ( Saya dah pernah rasa duduk asrama penuh, asrama harian dan sekolah harian. So sedikit sbanyak saya boleh compare, mengikut experience sendiri.

Asrama Penuh
1.Disiplin.
-Jadual dari pagi sampai malam dah diaturkan. Diorang berdikari dari segi kehidupan sendiri-basuh baju sendiri, kemas katil sendiri, cuci toilet sendiri.
2.Akademik
-Cikgu-cikgu bagi komitmen tinggi
-Kerajaan pun bagi attention lebih jugak for these kind of schools.
-Dan sebab cikgu banyak tolong, student jadi kurang berdikari bila keluar asrama (in terms of cara belajar dan peluang2 ni semua tadi) Sebab di university, lecturer takkan bagi semua benda bulat2 to student. Most of it kena cari sendiri.
3.Peluang
-Cikgu2 banyak bagi student aware tentang biasiswa atau tajaan2 untuk belajar dalam dan luar negeri. Plus University atau some company mungkin akan ada impression bagus bila tau budak ni dari SBP atau MRSM.
4.Cara berfikir
-Saya perasan budak asrama penuh kurang berfikiran terbuka. Their thinking hanya depends of what kind of thinking the teachers mould them into. Sebab diorang jarang dapat tengok TV atau guna internet. Hanya baca paper.
5. Social Life
-Mungkin lebih terkawal sebab peraturan asrama ketat. Tapi ada jugak kes 'fly' dan sebagainya. Maklum lah teenagers or humans in general, lagi di sekat lagi nak buat. Rebel phase lah katakan.:P

Sekolah Harian
1. Disiplin
-Disiplin will depends on family dia punya cara. Kalau yang latih anak2 berdikari dalam kehidupan dia akan sama je macam budak asrama.
2. Akademik
-Depends on the student itself. Kalau jumpa kawan yang betul should be ok. Kalau tak susah sikit.
3. Peluang
-Ada juga cikgu2 akan inform opportunities yang ada tapi mostly depends on student and family sendiri punya awareness.
4. Cara berfikir
-Lebih berfikiran terbuka dan boleh bergaul dengan orang dari different background and culture.
-Sebab semua buat sendiri, diorang lebih independent. Dah biasa cari info sendiri dekat library semua.
5. Social Life 
- Diorang lebih bebas boleh keluar sendiri lepas sekolah pergi tengok movie, shopping complex semua. Again depends on parents nak jaga.

Another aspect is relationship with family.
Mungkin kalau anak duduk asrama parents lebih senang sikit. Tak payah pening kepala nak fikir pasal nak hantar and ambik anak balik sekolah hari-hari. Tapi bahaya sebab kalau parents just lepas tangan, anak-anak mungkin akan jadi jauh sikit dari family. Atau have thinking yang dia boleh survive without parents advice. Yelah cikgu ada kaunselor ada, kawan-kawan ada.

Tapi yang sekolah harian pun kalau parents tak ambil tau pun sama juga outcome dia. Again, its a variable thing. Depends on the parents and the students.

Kadang-kadang ada jugak family yang susah, galakkan anak yang pandai masuk asrama sebab makan minum semua stabil. Kalau kat rumah diorang makan pun susah. Ada juga kes macam ni.

Tapi saya rasa jumlah student yang berjaya dari dua2 jenis sekolah sama banyak je.
Yang penting individu kan.

But honestly for me, I'm 60-70% inclined to Sekolah Harian. Because for me, If you want to teach your child to be independent atau 'let them grow as a person' it's better they were free to explore the world in front of them with YOUR protection rather than send them to be enclosed in one place under other people's protection and moulded into one type of thinking that might differ from yours.

Also if the reason is to enhance their academic potential, there's a lot of great tuition centers out there.And opportunities, well you will be glad if you could find the opportunities for them, went to education fair/career fair together. Why not.

But again, it's just my opinion.

I'm truly truly grateful to have the opportunity to be in both type of schools. =)