Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Climbing goals 2018

I don't have a lot of aims this year. Just 3 main ones for different aspect of my life.
First being Financial goal, Second is beauty&health goals (since I'm already in 3 series need to start being more health conscious) and last but not least Climbing goals.

I don't post much about my climbing in this blog but I've been climbing since 2015. I did write a post about it here.

Starting with Top Rope and then I upgraded to Lead Climb in September the same year. 2016 and first half of 2017 I had been climbing leisurely, i.e once a week or once every two weeks, mainly due to my life at the time was a bit disorganized, what with moving houses, changing jobs and prior to April 2017, wedding preparations.
So towards the end of 2017, when everything is settled and life is getting calmer, only I realized I have been stuck with no progress with my lead climb for so long.

In lead climb, climbing once a week, with no other exercise in between really wont get you anywhere. So I vow to myself to do this climbing thing seriously, no more leisure climb.
So starting November 2017 we went climbing 3 times a week, Wednesdays nights, Fridays nights and either Saturday or Sunday. And we did some PT at home (core exercises, pull ups etc.), change our diet and do boulder once in a while.
The hubs was on board with all this thank God. And by February we did see some improvements.


These are some of my target by the start of 2018 and I managed to clean 3 of them.
Route 2 on 19th Jan, 
Route 1 on 31st Jan, and 
Route 4 on 7th Feb. 
I was honestly so stoked to be able to finish 4 since I always had trouble at the crux.

I might have been able to clean 3 as well since its similar to 4 but the some of the holds are lose so I KIV that until they screw those holds back. 
My personal project is route 5 which I've been attempting since 2016 and stuck on the roof part for a year.(Leisure climb ain't going nowhere remember)

But on 9th Feb, I actually managed to climb over the roof part and clipped the 9th runner before my arms got too pumped and I fell on attempt to reach the last hold.

But honest to God I was so stoked, because I've been trying to get over the roof for so long.
Plus I donated my blood 7 hours before so I'm a little amazed to be able to do my best at unexpected timing.

Anyway I will keep that as a record since they've already modified some of the holds on the routes for Asean Games Qualification on 10th and 11th Feb so the route is no longer the same.

I will keep trying for the other two routes and look for new project route next.

I love climbing!

Monday, February 19, 2018

It all goes back to what you eat.

9 years ago, I wrote a blogpost about how to lose weight, my style.

https://dyazstuffs.blogspot.my/2009/08/losing-weight-dyas-style.html

Even at the time, I know its not a correct way of losing weight, but that was how I did it, that was how I lose my baby weight during my adolescent time.
I realized I'm not in the 'beautiful' category size when I bought my jeans for the first time when I was 15 (2001) and it was in size 34. Few months prior I went to a science fair and use the scale there and my weight is 60 plus kg, I couldn't remember exactly 62 or 65 or 67 because all I remember was feeling so devastated seeing the arrow go past 60 and I was in shocked for the rest of the day.
So in 2002 I started that so called diet I wrote in that post well until I'm 20 (2006).
(No Rice, Soy-based diet, Vege Diet and consuming Herbal Tea, not all at once.)
The first 2 years might be more rigorous than the last two.
It works for me.
At the time, whenever my stomach is empty, I will feel skinny and pretty but whenever my stomach feels full, I will feel guilty and not confident and hated myself.
I use BMI to indicate the best weight, (18.5 is considered underweight) and I strive to be underweight. At one point I did achieve it when my weight was 49kg when I was 19years old. That's sort of a red flag when my mom told me, my eyes where looking hollow and my skin gotten darker and dry. Not pretty at all. So I slightly slow down my 'diet' and by the time I turned 20, I know I don't have to be 'on diet' anymore because I'm steadily 52-53kg at the time. I no longer control what I ate. But my eating habit was still not good. I continue my 'eating habit' well to my mid twenties.

So as expected, I got few negative comments for the post.
I can't say I'm entirely wrong, what I wrote is 60% correct. I even included the food pyramid and everything. It's just that my execution is not correct. I was 22 at the time I'm writing that post and I'm still oblivious to the topic of nutrition.
My mindset at the time, healthy equals to fat. People who had enough nutrition is fat.
I don't wanna be fat, so I don't wanna have enough nutrition and be healthy.
Not healthy means skinny.


I adore body like Alessandra Ambrosio's and Adriana Lima's, not bodies like Mariah Carey or Kim Kardashian.(I don't think the Kardashians is known at the time but you got my point)

Little did I know, that those stick thin skinny models are actually healthy and well nourished.
How do you think they have gorgeouse volumed hair and porcelain skin if they dont have enough nutrition in their bodies?

So during my post-losing weight period, that is my early to mid twenty, things I ate mainly was Maggi goreng with teh ais, Kueytiow goreng, sweet potato bun that I always paired with iced milo, (this drink kiosk at my hostel foodcourt made a mean iced milo) tempura nuggets and if I felt like indulging, I ordered a hearty creamy carbonara at this one western kiosk in my uni, (I swear to god it tasted like heaven in your mouth but unfortunately/or fortunately they no longer sell it),
I don't eat rice all that much only occasional Friday Briyani at the Mamak Cafe who sell the Maggi goreng I loved so much. same thing after I graduated,  I still looking for the same menu outside my uni, in the area where I lived, minus the sweet potato bun. And not forgetting, 3-in-1 coffee, a big culprit of nutrition absorption. We will go to that later.

So when you go on that kind of diet in your younger years, understandably few problem will arises as you grow older,


1. First problem - Blood Donation


In uni, initially I don't eat meat or any cow's part or even fish for that matter. Only chicken.
But then there's this blood donation drive and I was very eager to donate but of course, I failed. The nurse told me I should eat meat and veggies like spinach to increase my iron level. but I don't want to eat meat and I don't like spinach, I wanna be skinny.
But after 2 3 times failing the blood donation, added with my eagerness to donate my blood, I started to consider the nurse's advice. So I started to eat meat regularly and I started to drink milk, still don't like spinach but after that there were few times I managed to donate my blood.


2. Second Problem - Hair Loss


Then if those of you who knew me in uni, you will know that I have hair problem, my hair started to fall rapidly in my adolescent. Also if I think about it, it started to fall at around the year I started my 'weight loss diet'. Even before that, what I ate, in boarding school at the time cant be considered as healthy at all, instant noodle is the norm, other than that dining hall's food that is no help either, most of them were not in any way appetizing that most students will just go back to their room and scour their locker for instant noodle.
In any ways, I don't entirely blame the excess of instant noodle in whatever malnutrition problem people have, I blame the lack of other nutritious food that people take, or, actually, didn't take.

I have a dormmate in uni who frequented instant noddle during uni years, but her hair is still full and she graduated her degree with 3.85 CGPA. Why, because even she took instant noodle, she eat every other thing as well. Yes she's a bit chubbier but she got all the nutrition she needs during her adolescent and uni years. (I realized this years after I graduated)

During uni years I always searching for the cause of my hair fall. I came to oily scalp, and clogged pores, and what causes it? stress? I'm not the only person who's on stress in this world, why doesnt it affect others as much? hormonal imbalance? how to balance hormones?

3. Third problem - Lethargy and Sluggishness


After I graduated, I started to find the answer of all the questions I had in my uni years.
One of it is there are times when I always felt lethargic, sleepy and no mood to go to class or work.
Since uni, I'm having trouble focusing and remembering stuffs.
I used to be good in my studies up until lower secondary, after that, I struggle in my studies. I only get good enough grades for passing the paper, and for those subjects I got an A, I REALLY really have to work REALLY hard for it.

So when I started working in a company that requires more technical understanding/thinking, I feel like it got challenging again, I cant focus, I can't improve myself without help, and at one point I feel useless and wanted to give up. So one day I went to the clinic. And this doctor is one of the good doctors who gave me a sound advice without judgement. (Cos most doctors will just roll eyes at you when you asked why you're feeling tired, they'll just assume you're just there fishing an MC and give some snarky comments in the process)

She told me, actually what your body is feeling has everything to do about cell turgidity (kesegahan sel). If the red blood cells in your body is not healthy it cant carry enough oxygen.
If it is healthy it could carry oxygen through your entire body. So all your organs, brain will get enough oxygen and function properly. If there isn't enough oxygen that is what makes you feel tired, sleepy, sluggish, forgetful etc.

unhealthy (left) and healthy (right) blood cell.


An insufficient amount of oxygen in your blood can result in anemia, marked by fatigue. Iron is also necessary for brain function, aiding the interaction between neurons that help with thinking and cognitive function.

Also if you don't have enough nutrients, your cells in your blood is not nourished. Normally the nutrients will dissolve in blood plasma and will be transported throughout your body through the bloodstream. Same thing, if not enough nutrients your body wont function properly.
(If any doctors or nutritionist read this, do correct my understanding if I'm wrong)

So this Doc suggest me a multivitamin, Appeton MV21G+Selenium to be exact. She told me normally what we eat, especially when we don't practice good eating habit or too busy to maintain a healthy diet, doesn't provide you enough nutrition. So take this vitamin and try to practice good eating habit.
Of course that's not the only multivitamin you can take, there's a lot of Multivitamin brands that are sold commercially. You just have to know what are the things you lacked and find one that suits your need. In my case, when I look at the content of the multivitamin, I realize I did not have 60% of them in what I normally eat.
So I started to take what I eat seriously, and make sure I got the vitamin and minerals I need when I eat.

This brings me back to all those supermodels with bodies I admire. When supermodel Coco Rocha
got pregnant with her first child, I wonder whether the baby will be well nourished and whether Rocha herself would gain a little weight for her baby sake. (remember my thinking is that skinny is unhealthy and chubby is healthy) but to my surprise she stays the same size till the end of her pregnancy, only the tummy got bigger and bigger as months goes by and she gave birth to a healthy baby girl with chubby cheeks and arm and legs and everything. So my believe was shattered that the skinny Rocha and other models that are all bones are indeed healthy.
Like I said they wont have great skin and full gorgeous hair if they are not well nourished.
You CAN be skinny and healthy at the same time.
and healthy DOES NOT equals to FAT.

So I found the cause to some of my health problem is not having enough nutrition (and wrong mindset) during the most important period in my life - adolescent, and the habit carries on to my early twenties.

So starting mid twenties I tried taking vitamins and stop the caffeine little by little. I remember during my first job where I always feel sleepy, (during uni you can wake up anytime you want but when you started working you need to wake up early to reach office at 8.30 in the morning.)
So i'm having trouble adjusting the sleeping pattern an always sleepy in the morning, but I wanna stop the caffeine intake so I drink a lot of water, jump around, walk here and there like a crazy person. But I managed to ditch the caffeine at the end. Caffeine is ok sometimes, but not right after meal or after consuming vitamins cos it will interfere with your nutrients absorption. Mainly calcium, magnesium and iron.
Imagine whatever little nutrient I had when I was a teenager not getting absorb after numerous cups of 3-in-1 coffee.
No wonder my brain deteriorates.

4. Irregular periods/PMS.


Another problem with me is that I have irregular periods and bad period cramps. Normally I would just use hot water in a bottle to ease the abdominal pain and just take a panadol if it is too much. Because I have no idea what caused it.

Then I got married at 30 and I found new information about hormonal inbalance that caused ireegular period.
Hormonal Pills.
Of course, its started with us wanted to have some family planning before we're both ready to take the huge responsibility as a parents. We can't do it naturally since my period was never regular since the very start. Of course it doesn't because of my eating habit during my teenage years and the 'Soy-based diet'. Yes soy based food is good for reducing cholesterol and soy does have other good properties but soy also contains estrogen mimicking properties called isoflavones that could interfere with your hormones.

Laboratory studies show that genistein, a phytoestrogen found in soy, may lead to a decline in fertility, ovulatory dysfunction and irregular menstrual cycles.  

So that is one of the reason of my period irregularity, on top of the bad eating habit of course.
I asked the doc to take something to make my period regular, so the doc said
"Normally we will give you this pill to train your brain to signal the uterus to work according to 'schedule' i.e, to make the period cycle regular. You need to take it at least 3 month for it to work and it also act as a contraceptive. So if you planning to have kids in these 3 months you shouldn't be taking these."
Well doc, that's kinda the whole point I'm here.
True enough, my period gets regular and my PMS gradually reduced.

If I knew one of the purpose of contraceptive pills is to correct irregular periods and balances hormones, I would have taken it wayy earlier in my twenties.

So, when I google about this contraceptive pills, I found out its also known to be used as acne treatment suggested by doctors to those who has terrible acne problems. And most terrible acne problems are caused by hormonal imbalance that cause the skin to be super oily or super dry.
It's also been use for those who had period irregularity or stops for months due to excessive weight gain or weight loss (again hormonal imbalance.)
Basically whatever problem caused by hormonal problems, acne, period problems, and maybe, hairfall due to hormonal imbalance might be corrected using the pills.

There is no specific article I found about correcting hair fall using contraceptive/hormonal pills  but I believe there's the link between the two. I did found some people say the side effects of taking the pills that their hair fall is reduced, but there are also claims that the pills makes them shed more hair.
So I don't know for sure.
I've been taking the pills for almost a year now and I don't notice massive changes on the hair department. I don't notice more hairfall either.
It might actually due to other issue. But even if my hair did fall due to hormonal imbalance,and taking the pill did works, 10 months of balanced hormones might not be that noticeable yet in comparison to 18 years of hormonal imbalance and 15 years worth of hairfall.

So all the problems I had
1. Sluggishness, lethargy, forgetfulness, lack of focus.
2. Can't donate blood.
3. Hairfall
4. Period irregularity/PMS

(3 & 4 can be considered as hormonal imbalance)
All these are actually interrelated to one another.

These issues can always be traced back to what we eat.
As a women, I know almost everyone has hairfall problems, the difference is just how bad. One is of course due to the high sodium in the food we take, and 2 we have periods every months so we did require more iron intake than men. Iron and zinc are two minerals that are important for hair growth.
Most of iron in our body is in hemoglobin, so if we loses blood every month we need to increase the iron intake twice as men.

This is also the reason why we always here women say,
"I wanted to donate blood, but I failed because my hemoglobin too low."
Seems familiar? because women need more iron in their food intake and most of us failed to do this.

And with less iron, your body cant produce enough red blood cells that carries oxygen through your body, so when your body and brain didn't get enough oxygen, it will definitely makes you feels lethargic and sluggish and yes, effect brain function and will lead to forgetfulness. Also in my opinion why there are more women that has Alzheimer than men. Just my opinion. No specific studies on this yet.

For reference, adult women 19-50years requires 18mg of iron daily while men need only 8mg.

I hope this helps to those who has the same problems with me. Now at 31, I no longer have trouble donating blood, or bad period cramps or feels lethargic. My weight has never been more than 55kg ever since. The only problem  remains is the hair.

But the most important thing I can suggest is,
1. Drink a lot of water.
2. Monitor your nutrients intake, have 18mg of iron daily.
3. Don't take caffeine after meal/consuming vitamins.
4. Don't practice unhealthy diet during adolescent phase. If you want to experiment with weird diets, do it after you're 20.

If you have a daughter, sister, niece that are a little on the chubbier side when they are younger than 18, don't mock or say hurtful things, instead encourage them to eat healthy and if they want to lose weight and try unusual diet, wait until they're no longer in adolescent state.

So as a solution, how do we meet the 18g per day of iron daily?
I listed some of the food with the amount of iron in them,

1. Shellfish (Clams/oyster/mussle)
    Clams - 28mg per 100grams of serving (already exceeds the 18mg of your daily intake)
    Oyster - 7mg per 100grams
    Mussel - 6.7mg per 100grams
2. Dark Chocolate - 17.4mg per 100grams
3. Pumpkin Seed - 8.8mg per 100grams
4. Dried Apricot - 6.3mg per 100grams
5. Spinach - 3.6mg per 100grams
6. Beef Liver/Organ meats
    Liver - 6.5mg per 100grams
    Lungs - 5.4mg per 100grams
7. Nuts
    Cashew - 6.7mg per 100grams
    Pistachio - 3.9mg per 100grams
    Almond - 3.7mg per 100grams
8. Lentil - 3.7mg per 100grams
9. Tofu - 2.7mg 100 grams
10. Red meat (beef) - 2.7mg per 100grams
11. White button mushroom - 1.7mg per 100grams
12. Quinoa - 1.5mg per 100grams

Whole grains and fortified cereals also have rich source of irons, which varies according to brands. You can look up the info of nutritional contents in the box/packaging.

Not getting enough nutrient is bad enough, but not getting enough nutrient when your body is changing (adolescent/puberty phase) could cause a lot of trouble later in life. Like me.

P/S: I welcome any comments if any of the thing I said above is not accurate or misleading. This is all just based on my personal experience and research. Any other inputs on the topic are highly appreciated.

References:
https://www.livestrong.com/article/328673-blood-plasma-and-nutrients/
https://www.livestrong.com/article/474660-soy-and-hormonal-imbalance/
https://www.livestrong.com/article/527028-why-do-female-adults-require-more-iron-than-male-adults/
https://www.webmd.com/vitamins-and-supplements/features/iron-supplements#1
https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/Iron-HealthProfessional/
https://www.fitday.com/fitness-articles/nutrition/vitamins-minerals/the-effect-of-caffeine-on-vitamin-absorption.html
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/11-healthy-iron-rich-foods#section12

Friday, February 02, 2018

Kelas Tusyen / Tutor Add Maths dan Fizik

Di post sebelum ini saya ada bercakap tentang private tutoring yang saya buat sejak beberapa tahun kebelakangan ini untuk subjek Matematik PT3, Matematik Tambahan dan Fizik untuk SPM.
Tahun ini saya akan lebih menumpukan kepada subjek SPM iaitu Fizik dan Matematik Tambahan.

Sila hubungi saya untuk Tutor peribadi atau berkumpulan di nombor 017-4701330 (Nadira)

Kawasan : Cyberjaya, Putrajaya, Saujana Putra, Putra Heights, Puchong (Putra Perdana/Nusa Putra/Aman Putra) dan Dengkil.

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As I mentioned in my previous post, I have been doing private tutoring for few years now for
Maths PT3 (Form1-3), Add Maths and Physics for SPM(Form4-5).
But  this year I will focus more on SPM subject Add Maths and Physics.

Kindly contact me for private or group tutoring at 017-4701330(Nadira)

Area : Cyberjaya, Putrajaya, Saujana Putra, Putra Heights, Puchong (Putra Perdana/Nusa Putra/Aman Putra) and Dengkil.

Thursday, December 28, 2017

Words cuts deeper than knives

I'm a weak soul that could not endure sharp words.
I simply dont have the ability to ignore them no matter how hard I try.
You can say I don't have a thick skin.
Yes I have the thinnest skin ever.
Some people say teach your kids so they grow to be a thick skin person.
How? By giving them though love? Not spoiling them too much?

My idea? Why dont we teach our kids to grow up to be a person who can control their anger
and not lashing out sharp words to others when they got mad.
For example, its better if our community teach our kids NOT to be a bully rather than teach them
how to not cry and stand up to those bullies.
Its the same thing.

You can get mad, its human nature to be upset.
But there's two situation in letting out anger. Lets take an example of 2 bosses who's staff
handed an overdue assignment.

Boss 1: You're overdue Mike. I already told you this report should be handed to me by Tuesday.
What do you do the whole week? You really need to cut those 'leisure time' of yours.
You need to be more productive, I dont want this to happened again, this is not a good
attitude. You need to do some changes Mike. Your attitude's not helping your career, not
here not anywhere. Please try to do better next time..

Boss 2: You're overdue Mike. I already told you this report should be handed to me by Tuesday.
What do you do the whole week? This is not your father's company that you can do all you like.
I know you've been flirting with Amy from accounting, this company is not Tinder Mike.
Go flirting on your own time. You cant even process a simple instruction as 'hand the report
by Tuesday'. Are you deaf? or did something happened to your brain? Did your mom dropped u on your head when u were a baby?...

See the difference?

It got personal.
The first boss will lash out on you, but you will feel guilty, you realized your mistake and
feel ashamed of yourself. And you might even consider changing your attitude and be a better staff.

The second boss not only make you feel guilty and ashamed,but you'll get insulted and you will
get angry yourself and start lashing out in retaliation,so you start to get personal to your boss
and things will go downhill from there.

I know when you're mad, lashing out and attack the person personally, make them hurt with
your words will gives u incredible amount of satisfaction, but what good will it bring
afterwards? None. Only mere seconds of satisfaction.

Look again at what is the reason of we getting mad.
The other person did something wrong. And you want him/her to correct it or to not do it again
in the future. In essense, you want him to be better.
So why insult him in the process of you trying to make them be better?

This are more common in women.
This is due to the fact that women are more emotional and they have a lot of things in their
brain that are connected to every other things, so they have more tendency to lash out and say
unnecesary things that could personally affect the receiver rather than conveying the actual
message.

Closests example, you can see when women are tired, as a mom/wife, they will nag.
A nag might sound harmless but when the choice of word that come out is more towards sarcasm
and insult, it could cause confrontation.

I've thought about this for a long time, cos I'm a girl. I too have the tendency to lash out
and speak unnecessary things to hurt the person I'm angry with.
But recently I have a confrontation with a stranger, a lady, because of something
I could not control, that honestly is one of the most terrible feeling I've felt in a long time.
I cant actually get that terrible feeling out of my memory.

Its just a simple thing at first, but this lady was angry and started to say things that hurt me.
When she started to get personal, I got angry and I too start to find words that could hurt her.
The problem is no longer the issue, unconciously, I was trying to hurt that lady more than
what she already thrown at me rather than solving the problem.
Being so inexperience at saying hurtful things to others, I lost the fight and cry.
Afterwards the lady's husband talk to me and try to solve the problem nicely.
I have my fault, she have her fault, the problem was simple and it could be settle even simpler.
He's sorry that her wife said all those things, "she's always like that" the husband said.
So i felt better and apologize to him(not to the lady though) and the problem is settled.

I'm ashamed of myself because I dropped down to her level and say all those things in attempt to
hurt her feeling. And so sad, because never in my life have i been in a confrontation
with a total stranger.

And also, I felt sorry for the lady's husband and kids. Maybe not the husband, because if he's
still married to the lady until now, and apologize to me for the way she behaved, then he might
be one of those human with the ability to ignore words, and not easily affected by words.
But the kids, one of them might have weak souls like me and words are sharper than knife.
If the lady lash out at her kids the same way she lash out at me, the words are more likely
stays in their heart forever. Maybe not the words, but the feelings and who make them feel
that way will remain forever, overshadowing all the good things the person might do or say.

And I believe, this could also be the cause of divorce cases in Malaysia.
I dont quite follow Malaysian celebrity married life but there's this one couple that caught
me by suprise when they split up. One of them is sort of a celebrity.
They both live a low profile life, the husband seems a mature and sensible guy and the wife is
the type of girl that every Malay guys dream to have, young, sweet and feminine, modestly fashionable, smart and educated.

So what could go wrong?

I might not know their story or the story of every other couples who split up, but would it be
 too far fetched if I say it might have to do with small things, bundle up to big things, leads
up to frustration, and then end with bad arguments that hurt both person's feelings? And guys have certain egos. Some words may crossed the line and make them feel they're not respected or worthless.

Lets say the husband is the cause, both husband and wife are working, both tired.
Maybe guys sometimes didnt help to look after the baby when the  wife cooks, or the husband
got home late, doesn't help with chores, or smoke nearby the kids. So the wife naturally
will nag, got mad and say some hurtful words along with the points that she should have only say.
If both didnt control what come out of their mouth, things will end up badly.

We all have arguments, we all have our discontent towards our spouse, every couple have them.
But why some could argue til they old and grey and some could only argue up to a year or two?
What words came out of their mouths when they argue, is it just plain frustration, or condescending
hurtful unfiltered words.

Picture this, if you did something wrong, how would you want your spouse to let it out to you.
We can always confront each other by not using harsh and sharp words. Its hard, but we could try.
Its a small effort to a healthy relationship with the people we love.

I've heard enough cases of couples got mad, quarrels, got divorce and then regret everything
cause they clearly love each other and it doesnt do any good to the kids.

So my fellow ladies, and men, whenever you are mad about something, you sense that the fight is getting worse and you still have arrays of thoughts and words waiting to burst out of your mouth,good and bad, RUN.
Run to different rooms, run to the toilet, get outside, scream those words to the air(not to your spouse)make sure nobody could hear you, OR,
find a book and a pen, voice recorder, laptops, okay maybe not laptops
cause how could you type when you're mad? If you can then good.
Then, write it down, everything, good words bad words, harsh words, write it down record it,
until every grievance, discontent and anger made it out from your system.

When you're cool down, check back what you rite, filter out those harsh and unnecessary word, pick up the points you want to discuss, and discuss it calmly.

There's another method to stop anger, a crazy method at that, is to fake laugh.
Yes, sounds weird but even when we fake laugh or fake smile, we managed to put the anger on halt and think the whole situation clearly.

Its not worth it to hurt someone's feeling, especially someone we love, over some silly things.

And I need to emphasize, the sharp words thrown are most likely stays in people's heart forever. Maybe not the exact words, but the feelings and who make them feel that way will remain forever, overshadowing all the good things the person have done or said.
Words can create love, and words can diminish love and build up hate.

We will encounter problems, conflicts and people might do something we don't like constantly in our life. But try to argue to find solution, to make things better, not argue to hurt one another.

So try, me and you, everyone, to control our anger, and words that come out of or mouth.
Especially, ultimately, to the ones we love.

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Tim Minchin - 9 Life Advice

*As usual drafted post since 2 months ago.

This is the part of Tim Minchin commencement speech at University of Western Australia which very much inspire me.

One: You don’t have to have a dream. Americans on talent shows always talk about their dreams. Fine if you have something you’ve always wanted to do, dreamed of, like in your heart, go for it. After all it’s something to do with your time, chasing a dream. And if it’s a big enough one it’ll take you most of your life to achieve.  

I never really had one of these dreams and so I advocate passionate, dedication to the pursuit of short-term goals. Be micro-ambitious. Put your head down and work with pride on whatever is in front of you. You never know where you might end up. Just be aware the next worthy pursuit will probably appear in your periphery, which is why you should be careful of long-term dreams. If you focus too far in front of you you won’t see the shiny thing out the corner of your eye. 

Two: Don’t seek happiness. Keep busy and aim to make someone else happy and you might find you get some as a side effect. 

Three: Remember it’s all luck. You are lucky to be here. Understanding that you can’t truly take credit for your successes nor truly blame others for their failures will humble you and make you more compassionate. Empathy is intuitive. It is also something you can work on intellectually.

Four: Exercise. Play a sport. Do yoga, pump iron, and run, whatever but take care of your body, you’re going to need it. 

Five: Be hard on your opinions. 

We must think critically and not just about the ideas of others. Be hard on your beliefs. Take them out onto the verandah and hit them with a cricket bat. Be intellectually rigorous. Identify your biases, your prejudices, your privileges. Most of society is kept alive by a failure to acknowledge nuance.


Six: Be a teacher! Teachers are the most admirable and important people in the world. You don’t have to do it forever but if you’re in doubt about what to do be an amazing teacher. Even if you’re not a teacher, be a teacher. Share your ideas. Don’t take for granted your education. Rejoice in what you learn and spray it.

Seven: Define yourself by what you love. 

We have a tendency to define ourselves in opposition to stuff. As a comedian I make my living out of it. But try to also express your passion for things you love. Be demonstrative and generous in your praise of those you admire. Send thank you cards and give standing ovations. Be pro stuff not just anti stuff.

Eight: Respect people with less power than you. . I have in the past made important decisions about people I work with – agents and producers - big decisions based largely on how they treat the wait staff in the restaurants we’re having the meeting in. I don’t care if you’re the most powerful cat in the room, I will judge you on how you treat the least powerful. 

Nine: Finally, don’t rush. You don’t need to know what you’re going to do with the rest of your life. I’m not saying sit around smoking cones all day but also don’t panic! Most people I know who were sure of their career path at 20 are having mid-life crises now.
There is only one sensible thing to do with this empty existence and that is fill it. Life is best filled by learning as much as you can about as much as you can.

xxxxxx

The last one really caught me.
I have been panicking ever since I turned 30 of how/where my life will be heading towards, what to do next and what's  my future gonna be like. I'm so sure of what I wanna do since the 3rd year of university and have been living that life for the past 5 years. But as I grew, I changed and I no longer wanted that life and I'm not sure what direction I should go anymore and it freaked me out to no end.
So these speech at least put me on a brake, and slowly figure out what I wanna fill my life with.

I hope it could give inspiration to others who are in my position.


Full transcript of his speech here.
http://www.news.uwa.edu.au/201310186163/features/nine-life-lessons-graduate

Friday, December 08, 2017

Saddest day of my life

I can't really remember the saddest day of my life before. Probably the day I got my PMR result because Im too scared of what my mother will say. Well basically most of the sad days in my life are the results of what my mother said to me or a variation of that.

But last night was different. The first time I've ever felt that kind of sad. The kind of sad that intertwined with crushed hope, guilt and love.

I'm not a cat person. I'm not a loving person. I don't like cats or babies or anything small because they demand too much attention.
I need attention.
So I don't like having to give attention to others.

My husband however is a cat person, he did mentioned to me, giving me hints a couple of times whenever the mother cat at his parent's house gave birth to a litter or whenever he encountered kitten wandering around at his work/wherever. His eyes seems to have special kitten detector/sensor.
But almost every time he told me I just smile and not really responding to the idea. Neither agreeing nor disagreeing.

The last time I had a kitten was 20 years ago when the 10 year old me and my little brother heard a kitten cry on the other side of the road in front of our house in Penang. Its a Persian cat with blue eyes probably got left behind or abandoned by his owner. He's about 4-5 weeks old already walking on his own, so we asked the maid to help us crossed the road, pick him up, bathed him and feed him cat food. He slept and started jumping around the house after he woke up. He went on and lived with us for the rest of his life. In Penang we only have one neighbors, he was still a kitten so that neighbor love him as much as we do. But his last couple of years are not as nice because we moved to a suburb in Perak. He's grown an adult cat, sneaked in the neighbor's house, steal fishes and impregnate other neighbor's cat. Some neighbors like him, some don't. The ones who don't, REALLY hated him. We couldn't stop him, he has gone a bit wild and can't be controlled. He doesn't like being in the house anymore. And we are the kind of people who doesn't have the heart to neuter cats. He got beaten few times, we used to came home from grandparents house to find him covered in blood. Dad will take him to the vet. But after few months, he died poisoned by bad neighbors when I was in boarding school. My parents gave him proper burial and Mom make sure we didn't take in any more kittens afterwards. We might not be the type of people who could take care and train cats well. So afterward if my young hearts (who still have love towards animal or babies at the time) found a kitten, my parents would make me give it away after we fed them.

But on the morning of Friday 1st December 2017, it was a public holiday (Maulidur Rasul day) my husband went out to service his car, and came back with a box and I heard a tiny, long cry from inside it.
Felt like a dream because I was still sleeping, but I knew my husband had brought home the kitten he's talking about the day before.
Before I could say anything, he said,
"Syg sorry, aku jumpa anak kucing kat tepi jalan."
"Yang oren kat site opis syg tu ke?" I asked.
"Bukan..yang ni aku jumpa tepi jalan on the way balik service kereta tadi. Dia kecik sangat aku tak sampai hati nak tinggal, kalau aku biar nanti die kena langgar kereta."
I went to look inside the box.
I swear to God it was the littlest thing, half the size of my palm... eyes haven't opened, ears haven't unfolded, umbilical cord still attached. This one is barely a week old. Probably has just been born yesterday, or the day before. I told my husband, this is too young, he could not survive without his mother, he should've waited, maybe the mom came back for him.
My husband said he couldn't wait that long since he was in the middle of the road, and the kitten is moving towards the main road, he got no choice.
So I had no choice. I start googling what I can feed him with. (Never ever feed newborn kitten with cow's milk, human milk or any normal milk you know.)
My husband was already ahead of me, he already bought Kitten Milk Replacer from a pet clinic and a syringe to feed him with. Despite looking fragile, the kitten was otherwise active. He moves and cries a lot. He hasn't get the hang of feeding from a syringe yet but he still drinks. So we assume he's healthy enough.
We kept on googling on neonatal kitten care. So we found out that neonatal kittens couldn't pee and poop on their own so we need to rub its bottom to stimulate the eliminating process.
And so we did. I can say that was the first time a I could feel that happy seeing little poop coming out of a kitten's bum.
After pooping, he went on to sleep, probably tired of the day.

We already had plan that day to go looking for clothes to wear for my brother's wedding next weekend. Since it could take whole day, we took him along because we need to feed him every 2-3 hours. He was asleep most of the time in the car and we were wondering whether to wake him up when it's time to feed. The first two hours we did not wake him up because when he wakes up, all he do is cry and that makes us worry more. So we let him sleep. But around 7pm we woke him up and feed him anyway, cause he might not know he's hungry. It's a learning curve, but we couldn't take any risk. We just trying to use whatever information on the internet and combine with our common sense. At this age, any reason could be the reason. so we wake him up no matter how peaceful he looks when he sleep.
So that's DAY 1.

That's when our life started to revolve around him, what to do with him, what to name him, non-stop googling about him, endless worrying whether we feed him too much, too little, or the milk too hot or too cold. why is he crying a lot and is it normal for him to always moving about the box, (I thought all little kitten do is sleeping) or if we manhandled him too much his muscle/body hurt.
I started asking my friends whom I know have raised cats and kittens but most of them have kittens that is already more than 4-5 weeks old. The ones who have neonatal kittens, have their mother along, but they did help confirming what we've been reading on the internet, making us more confident to take care him, to make him survive.

DAY 2
Saturday, 2nd December.
The day before we decided to name him Olen. He has white soft fur but his ear was orange, his tail was orange and he has 3 orange dots coming up from his tail to his back bone.
We maintained feeding him every 2-3 hours, even waking up at night.
We usually go climbing on Saturdays so today we brought him along. Before that we stopped by at a Pet shop to buy him a bottle, hoping he could feed more from a bottle than a syringe. Also he got flea so the shop suggested a flea spray for kitten 2 days old and above. We already brought hot water, his KMR so we plan to feed him at the climbing gym later.

As expected, he slept almost all the time at the climbing gym, and we had to wake him up to feed him. And we were right, he loves the bottle more and he drinks way more now from the bottle than he did before.
On this day, we were worried that he hasn't pooped again since the last time he poop. he only pees a little and we are concerned that all the crying is due to constipation. But at night time, he did poop when my husband fed him, not because the stimulation we gave him. And its a lot. Now we worried if he got diarrhea. But he doesn't seem weak.
My husband planned to spray him with the flea spray tomorrow cause we afraid he might get cold if we spray him during the night.
We were sleeping in the living room, so we put his box on the floor next to the living room so we could always go and look for him.

DAY 3
Sunday, 3rd December
We read that kittens need warmth from the mother or siblings because their body couldn't regulate their body temperature yet. But all the site we read is from an English site. Most of them bought a heating pad for these newborn kitten and most of them has a litter. not a single newborn. We was wondering maybe because the weather in English/US country are colder than Malaysia hence the need of heating pad. Malaysia is already a hot country so we wonder if heating pad is too much for a kitten. We don't have any idea how much heat the kitten needs. So we put a lot of clothes in the kitten box and at night we put water bottles with slightly hot water in the box for his warmth. He seems to like it because he always sleep near the bottle or on top of the bottle.

Today we used the flea spray on him and make sure it doesn't get to his face. It was so satisfying to see all the fleas came out, paralyzed and drop dead on their own. He got less fleas after that.

Then we went out again, because we went out late on Friday so only my husband managed to buy his attire. As usual, Olen will sleep along the way until we woke him to feed him. We never switch on the car aircond and always wondering if he's too warm or not enough warm in the car. Because at home, he always cries and move around but in the car most of the time he'll sleep.
At home, whenever he's asleep he will wake up if we try to take a peek of him or if we try to lift the top part of the box slowly to watch him sleep. Then he'll cry and move around again until he fell asleep again. At the time, we were wondering if he cries a lot due to some discomfort.
He still doesn't poop today. And this cause us to question how many mL does we gave him the KMR cause when we use bottle he seems to eat more and caused him to overfed. We questioned about EVERYTHING at this point. By night, he pooped a little. We were relieved but we were still worried. We don't know how often he should poop.

DAY 4 
Monday 4th December.
We both need to work today but since we both work in Cyberjaya, my husband planned to go back home to feed him every 3 hours. We planned to go to the vet for general check up and to ask about everything we worried about. So during lunch, my husband told me he'll bring Olen and pick me up at my office and we went to a pet clinic in Putrajaya.
The thing that we wanted to ask was,
1. Why does he cries a lot and does that means discomfort??
2. Why was he so active and moves a lot?
3. Why doesn't he pooped frequently?
4. and can a human hand manhandle kitten that age a lot?(We need to manhandle him for feeding)

So the vet told us, he doesn't poop because his bladder has no poop. That if we fed him right, he wont poop that much and the frequency is not everyday. Sometime once every two days. So that's normal. He doesn't constipated or got diarrhea, the poop color is normal for a milk feeding kitten. So that answers 1st and 3rd question.

Then vet also said, its normal for a kitten to cries a lot and move about, means he's healthy. the one who is silent and not active is the one you need to worry about. So that answers our 2nd question.

And when asked if we hold him too much might affect him, she said, you cant hold a newborn kitten when the mom is around because mom wont like human smell on her kitten and might abandon him if he's been manhandled a lot. but the ones with no mom, we need to touch him not only to feed but to give him love because he has no mother or siblings to do that. So that make us happy too.
I even hoped and dream to make him sleep with us when he's a little older.

I did asked the vet whether he can survive. What else can we do to make him survive.
She told us that even kitten older than him will be hard to survive without their mom, but we can try our best to make him survive, and for now Olen is still healthy so InsyaAllah you can try.

The visit to the vet really makes us even more confident to take care of Olen until he passed this first week of his life which is also the most critical and fragile week of an orphaned kitten's life.

The visit to the vet make us hope even more. It's already 4th day we took him.
He'll be one week old in few more days,
his eyes will open,
his ear will unfold,
and he'll be stronger..
Hes already getting stronger because he could climb up the box if we put warm bottle inside it. He's getting smarter!

Looking at all the fancy kitten food makes me eager to wait for him to be able to eat solid food. Just a couple more weeks to solid food..He's teeth will start to come out.. I cant wait for his first teeth to come out..

We have so many plans for him, my husband even planned to buy him a cage at the pet clinic but he was still too small for the cage. So we will wait for him to get a little bigger.
I took a liking to a cat playhouse that will also look nice on the living room, where Olen can play and climb on when he's bigger.

At other time, I did day dream about when we decided to have kids, Olen would be 1 or 2 year old and he could be our child's first friend.

After the vet, we are more relaxed and no longer worry too much. We were confident we could do this.

At this point, it looked like we did everything right.

So can you guess why our little kitten died?

DAY 5
Tuesday, 5th December 2017

We were getting used to waking up at night to feed him and my husband will go back home as usual to feed him during the day. Everything is routine by 5th day. These 5 days we take turns feeding him peeing and pooped him, played with him, or just stared at him. He has itty bitty round pink nose. Itty bitty paws. He has grown longer, if not bigger, his stomach will be well rounded after he's been fed. We'll get excited whenever he suckle aggressively to the bottle, if he wants more he will suckle to our fingers so we'll give him more, and whenever yellow poop came out from that little bum after we rub it,that's happiness for us. These five days, all our problems we've been having had been put aside, and we channel all our energy to this little thing. We mostly worried about him day and night but still having him make us feel warm inside..

He's almost a week old,
his eyes will open soon,
his ears will unfold,
and he'll be stronger..

He could run around soon..
He still haven't had that kitten smell yet, he just smell sweet like the KMR he's been feeding on.

Around 9pm my husband went to look at him, not his feeding time yet but we like to go and peek on him sleeping every now and then. Sometime if we managed to keep quiet, he will continue sleeping and we would watch him sleep but  if we make a sound, he will wake up, move about actively and cry non stop as usual.
But that night, he woke up as my husband approach. But..he did not move about. He just move his head a little, and he looked weak, no cries, at all.
I freaked out.
We freaked out.
Because the vet told us, when the kitten is silent and not moving much is when we should start freaking out.
We had no idea what went wrong. I  asked if my husband came back and feed him during the day. He said yes.
I swear to god I freaked out. Is he hungry? Is he cold? Is he overfed? Does he got germs from our hands? I tried calling the vet in Putrajaya but the clinic wa already closed. I google any other nearby pet clinic that is still open after 9pm. None around Cyberjaya/Putrajaya, Puchong or Seri kembangan, then I found one in Kajang, it opens until 10pm. I called and they said they'll open, even after 11.
So we refill his bottle with warm water and stormed out and bring Olen to Kajang. Took us 30minutes without traffic. God knows my feeling at the time and I cry the whole drive to the clinic. Having a panic attack everytime I couldn't see his stomach moving.

Saw me crying, the nurse asked to bring Olen to the vet right away to see if there's anything critical. Then she came out after 5 minutes saying that he's only sleeping and kittens are always sleeping, its normal.
We both almost screamed NO!!
THIS IS NOT NORMAL, WE'VE BEEN TAKING CARE OF HIM FOR FIVE DAYS
THIS.IS.NOT.NORMAL!
So the nurse asked us to wait our turn while the vet finished with the current pet in the room.

While waiting, I saw other people brought in their older cat in their carrier, while wondering whether I could see Olen reach that age. A lady on the dog side of the clinic is crying while her husband calm him. God I was so scared.
After about 15 minutes we were called in and we told the vet Olen's is suddenly weak and not moving about as normal.
She asked some question and she couldn't figure out what makes him weak and then she took out a thermometer, stick it on Olen's bum, and then there's the problem.

Olen's body temperature is too low. We told him we put warm/hot water in a bottle every night. Sometimes one bottle sometimes two because we don't know how hot is not hot enough or too much, so we just rely on our instinct.
Then the vet asked, only at night? We said yes because day time is already warm. She said no, you need to put the warm bottles during the day too, because he doesn't have a mother or siblings to warm him. And even you put the bottles at night, they'll lose heat after couple of hours and you need to refill again.
WE DIDN'T KNEW.
the previous vet didn't mentioned this.
after she took out the thermometer, Olen pooped a little and the vet confirmed he doesn't have constipation or germs problem cause his poop is normal. He's healthy, he's just cold. If he's cold he couldn't absorb all the nutrient from the milk and he'd be bloated or dehydrated and it's fatal for neonatal kittens.

She told us the cause of death for neonatal kittens are body temperature and dehydration. Elsewise, we've been feeding him right and he seems healthy.
So she refilled the bottle with hot water for our 30 minutes ride home because the water in the bottle is no longer warm. We told her we don't know how hot is hot and how is not enough. She told us, if you can stand the hotness in your palm then its okay for the kitten, wrap the bottle with a cloth and put two bottle if necessary.
Don't put his box directly on the floor. If you do, put more clothes below the box.
And the vet also said the normal body temperature of a kitten is 32deg C. If its lower the thermometer will only display L and it means the kittens temperature is too low already. I asked her where could I get the thermometer, she told us its already 10pm and most of the shop is already close. But she insist we get Olen warm and he'll be ok, if he's still weak bring him over again tomorrow morning.

So we did. We saw Watson outside the clinic but we're not sure if they sell thermometer. We were focused on getting him warm so we just want to go home quickly.

As we reached home, we put two bottles of hot/warm water, like the vet did, put his box inside another box so he's box isn't directly on the floor, and my husband change the cloth he currently sleep in afraid the cloth might be cold because he sometimes like to sleep on top of the bottle instead of on the cloth. So my husband took one of my old shawl, iron it to make sure it's warm and replace it with the old cloth. Its already past his feeding time but we didn't wanna feed him until he's warm first.

So we both sat next to the box and just watch him sleep. As long as his stomach keep moving, he still breathing.
I was contemplating whether all these were too hot for him. He's just a small thing. Can he handle the heat? Two bottles one at each of his side and a warm cloth underneath. Maybe he will move or cry if hes getting too hot. After 15-20 minutes, I don't actually remember how long, we could see he started to move, cry a little like he always did on his sleep, so we took it as he's already ok, and when we felt his body is starting to warm, we move the bottles, a little further from him. He also did move a little further up away from the bottle so we knew he now could move away on its own if he felt the bottle is too hot.
We never left his side, I just did my puzzle next to him, and look at him every couple of minutes. My husband fell asleep on the floor on the other side of the box. So I told him to go sleep on the mattress. I kept looking at Olen's sleeping, sometimes moving, switching position. I do my puzzle. Cant really sleep. Worried. Waiting for him to wake up cause we still need to feed him. Or if his bottles getting cold, I need to replace them.
Its daunting not knowing what he felt, I was just hoping he could give me a sign. Is he hungry? Is he getting too hot? Is he comfortable? No? Just watching him sleep not knowing, I was just so afraid.

I couldn't remember how long has it been, maybe one hour?or two? not too long. When I took a peek at him again, and saw him no longer moving.
Lying on its side.
The round stomach no longer moving up and down.
His jaw already drop...

And my heart broke...

I screamed to my husband and woke him up.
.
.
"Olen da tak gerak..."
.
.
He took him on his palm, trying to give him CPR.
I tried to gave him CPR,
nothing..
I just couldn't stand watching him lying on my husband palm, frozen, unmoving.
I just ran to the other side of the room and cry my heart out,
while my husband keep on calling his name, like trying to wake him up from one of his sleeps...

My brain just couldn't comprehend, but I came to conclusion..

He was too hot..he was..
He was getting warmer.. but then its getting too hot..
He couldn't handle it..
We didn't know..
We didn't remove one of the bottles..
We watch him sleep through the heat..
We watch him die..
He couldn't move..he's too weak..
He couldn't handle the heat..hes just a little thing..
If we can stand the heat, he might not..
We were so stupid..
We didn't think of common sense..
We should've bought a thermometer..
So we know when to remove the bottles.....

I was so frustrated, guilty and mad with myself..

Even though he has no mother, he couldn't stand a chance being raised by two clueless, stupid giant of a human.

Now we never get to see him grow...
We never got to see him running around the house..
They said little kitten eyes is always blue, but i wont know..
cause his eyes will never open..
his ears will never unfold..
He wont get any stronger..

My husband don't get to buy him a cage,
I don't get to buy him his play house, or feed him fancy solid food for kittens.
Our future kid will never have Olen as his first feline friend.
Olen is gone, because of his two caretaker's stupidity...

I cry the rest of the night, woke up in the morning, cry again, goes to work, keep crying, took a half day off, and sleep.
There's no DAY 6 for Olen.
My journal of him stopped at DAY 5.
God lend him to us for 5 short days.

That little bundle.

I couldn't get his image out of my head, trying to distract the image by sleeping and watching TV series.

The image of him suckling on the bottle, climbing out from my palm, his cries.. him lying unmoving at the end. The images keeps on coming. I just couldn't live with the guilt.

I couldn't sleep, whenever i feel hot under my blanket I'll think of him, felt gulity and cry, when I drink water I think of him and cry, all the while hearing his small cries all  over the house.

Please forgive us little kitten.
Please forgive us the stupid giants..

the next day I have to listen to Quran's to keep me calm enough to sleep, and last night I watch stuffs in YouTube till I fell asleep.

Today is DAY 8, exactly the same day last week my husband brought him home.
Now hes gone.
But after all the sadness, today I no longer cries and I could write this without crying.
I could work.
I can move on.
I hope he'll forgive us from whatever heaven hes in now.

For all the people out there, who are or will be in our situation, take this lesson from us.
Their mother is their best chance of surviving for newborn kitten under a week old.
But if the mother's gone, try your best to not neglect any espect.
1. Milk- only KMR or goat milk for kitten.
2-3hours a day, about 3-4mL depending on his weight.
Weigh him always so u know how many milk u should give.
2. Stimulate him to help him eliminate.
3. Buy a thermometer and make sure his body temperature didn't drop. 32deg and above. No less. And don't overheat. Please.

We did not succeed,but others do. So you might succeed too.
Just try hard and dont make mistakes like we did.

To my little angel Olen,
Thank you for coming to my life those 5days.
I love you.
We love you.
Forgive us.



Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Life Advice (Part 2)

Don’t work for anyone else

“What are you studying in school?”
“Uh, computer science.”
“Why do you like computer science?”
“Well I don’t, but there are lots of jobs in that field right now.”
Oh teenage David. Look at me. I’m twenty-nine and currently hatching a plan to escape from my second career. It’s not horrible, I just don’t want to spend half my waking life helping rich land developers get richer. I never did, though I didn’t always think I could do better.
Before you sign on for a chunk of college loan debt so you can learn what others say you should, hear me out.
What is normal in our society is to sell your time (customarily, forty hours of it per week, in five eight-hour stretches) for an agreed-upon flat rate. This is what most people do and what most people will tell you to do.
This is your time on earth. We’re talking about sizable pieces of the only life you’re going to have, sold to a company that — and let’s be honest — is probably not doing for the world what you’d like to do for the world. Do you really want your role on this planet to revolve around smoothly-running data entry systems? Insurance policies? Widgets?
But most people don’t see another way. The standard way to make a living is to rent yourself out for the better part of five days a week to achieve someone else’s purpose. In the time that remains, the weekends and the fleeting hours of the evening, you can live your life, or at the very least recover from your workweek. Sounds like a regular deal with the devil.
Rent out your forty hours like that, and somebody else gets to decide:
  • When that forty hours is (right through the prime daylight hours, almost always)
  • How you are to be spending that time, and why
  • What you are allowed to wear, do and say during that time
  • When you can take a vacation
  • Who you work with
  • When you deserve more money
  • What your purpose is, at least until 4:30
  • Whether to continue to supply your income or not
Once you’re playing this game, the main strategy is to make a lot of money for your boss, and over time they will share a small fraction of it with you in the form of incremental bumps in your salary.
You may luck out, of course. Some people do find that their own purpose matches the purpose of the person they sell their days to, so there’s no conflict there. But that’s not reality for most of us.
Don’t get mixed up in this racket.
What can you do instead? Do what your would-be boss is doing. Create something of value, and find the people who value it most. A service or a product that people value, and that others aren’t delivering as well, or at all.
If you need help to produce it, you will certainly be able to find a lot of people willing to sell you their time for a flat rate. If you need a method, there are hundreds of established, tested models in the library, online (yes, online), and at the bookstore. Pick one that speaks to you and see what happens.
The idea of running my own business always sounded preposterous. I fell for one of the biggest entrepreneurial myths: that you must risk a large sum of money to start a business venture. I think I came under that impression by watching an episode of Roseanne in which a financial advisor tells her she’d never heard of anyone starting a business for less than fifty thousand dollars. I missed the part where they said they were talking about restaurants.
I’d heard most businesses fail within five years (or something) and of course I pictured myself becoming part of that majority, ending up penniless in a green shack at the corner of Baltic and Mediterranean.
No, I dismissed any entrepreneurial ambitions long before I was done high school. I knew that such an uncompetitive, unambitious soul would always have to work for someone else. That was just reality.
So I jumped on the lucrative professional field du jour, computer programming. Four years later, I’d racked up some debt, run my self-esteem into the ground, forgotten everything I’d learned about computer programming, and started again in the engineering industry.
Now it’s another six years down the road, and I’ve left my job to travel abroad. When I return, I’m devoting as much time as it will take to create a bossless income. I’d rather work twelve hours a day for myself than eight for someone else.
Without this advice, teenage David will be entering a cycle of employer dependence he may never know he’s in. He’ll go to school, rack up some debt, and get a job. He won’t exactly hate his job, but he’ll still dread the fleeting, final hours of Sunday evenings, and he’ll still think Friday is necessarily a better day than Tuesday. Over the decades he might eventually trudge his way up to high five figures, possibly even topping out at the low sixes. He will always depend on others for his income and will only be able to travel in two-week stretches for the first sixty years of his life.
So, teenage David: Don’t sell your time to someone else’s purpose. You can do better. Be poor for a while if that’s what it will take.

***
Article from: http://www.raptitude.com/2010/02/3-pieces-of-advice-id-give-my-18-year-old-self-if-i-could/

Life Advice (Part 1)

**I read this article on the internet that I really love so I just wanna keep it here so I can revisit this every now and then. The article is actually quite long, I'll post them in two parts.


Every single day, get better at meeting people and developing relationships


These days I often describe myself as a “recovering introvert.” Comfort was the north on my personal compass, and talking to people I didn’t know was due south.
I was very much dependent on my existing friends to fulfill my social needs. I rarely took the initiative and made the plans. That I left to everyone else — because it entailed zero risk on my part.

Sticking to behavior with zero risk is a real tragedy, because it means there is no discomfort, and no discomfort means new ground is seldom broken. With that habit, social skills develop extremely slowly, because there is no need to learn anything you don’t already know how to do.
Please don’t only do what’s comfortable! That’s a perfect recipe for mediocrity. The older you get, the greater will be the gulf between what you could be and what you are, and the more sorry you’ll be.
When it comes to meeting people, it’s easy to avoid it because they’re only strangers then. You can always write off a stranger as irrelevant to your life, as you know it right now. But you don’t realize that that stranger could have been your best friend, your mentor, your key to a fantastic opportunity, or even your wife. Everyone you know now was a stranger once.
A new person in your life can open a new chapter. They can lead to new lines of work, new passions, new insight about the world and a broader, more colorful identity for you.
Most of my life, I resented people with connections. I hated that I had to resort to cold calling to find a job lead, while other people could just drop a friend an email. Of course, I didn’t see that this doesn’t happen by accident.
I always waited for others to take the lead in social situations. I would always defer to somebody with more skills or more guts, and soon I began to identify myself as a second, a subordinate, a beta personality. Clawing your way back from a subordinate social role is a hell of a battle, and the later you start the tougher the climb. Don’t let yourself slip that far.
Be a figure in a lot of other people’s lives, and keep bringing new people into your life. Meet people every day. Initiate conversations. Don’t shrink away.
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Article from: http://www.raptitude.com/2010/02/3-pieces-of-advice-id-give-my-18-year-old-self-if-i-could/
 

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