Thursday, December 28, 2017

Words cuts deeper than knives

I'm a weak soul that could not endure sharp words.
I simply dont have the ability to ignore them no matter how hard I try.
You can say I don't have a thick skin.
Yes I have the thinnest skin ever.
Some people say teach your kids so they grow to be a thick skin person.
How? By giving them though love? Not spoiling them too much?

My idea? Why dont we teach our kids to grow up to be a person who can control their anger
and not lashing out sharp words to others when they got mad.
For example, its better if our community teach our kids NOT to be a bully rather than teach them
how to not cry and stand up to those bullies.
Its the same thing.

You can get mad, its human nature to be upset.
But there's two situation in letting out anger. Lets take an example of 2 bosses who's staff
handed an overdue assignment.

Boss 1: You're overdue Mike. I already told you this report should be handed to me by Tuesday.
What do you do the whole week? You really need to cut those 'leisure time' of yours.
You need to be more productive, I dont want this to happened again, this is not a good
attitude. You need to do some changes Mike. Your attitude's not helping your career, not
here not anywhere. Please try to do better next time..

Boss 2: You're overdue Mike. I already told you this report should be handed to me by Tuesday.
What do you do the whole week? This is not your father's company that you can do all you like.
I know you've been flirting with Amy from accounting, this company is not Tinder Mike.
Go flirting on your own time. You cant even process a simple instruction as 'hand the report
by Tuesday'. Are you deaf? or did something happened to your brain? Did your mom dropped u on your head when u were a baby?...

See the difference?

It got personal.
The first boss will lash out on you, but you will feel guilty, you realized your mistake and
feel ashamed of yourself. And you might even consider changing your attitude and be a better staff.

The second boss not only make you feel guilty and ashamed,but you'll get insulted and you will
get angry yourself and start lashing out in retaliation,so you start to get personal to your boss
and things will go downhill from there.

I know when you're mad, lashing out and attack the person personally, make them hurt with
your words will gives u incredible amount of satisfaction, but what good will it bring
afterwards? None. Only mere seconds of satisfaction.

Look again at what is the reason of we getting mad.
The other person did something wrong. And you want him/her to correct it or to not do it again
in the future. In essense, you want him to be better.
So why insult him in the process of you trying to make them be better?

This are more common in women.
This is due to the fact that women are more emotional and they have a lot of things in their
brain that are connected to every other things, so they have more tendency to lash out and say
unnecesary things that could personally affect the receiver rather than conveying the actual

Closests example, you can see when women are tired, as a mom/wife, they will nag.
A nag might sound harmless but when the choice of word that come out is more towards sarcasm
and insult, it could cause confrontation.

I've thought about this for a long time, cos I'm a girl. I too have the tendency to lash out
and speak unnecessary things to hurt the person I'm angry with.
But recently I have a confrontation with a stranger, a lady, because of something
I could not control, that honestly is one of the most terrible feeling I've felt in a long time.
I cant actually get that terrible feeling out of my memory.

Its just a simple thing at first, but this lady was angry and started to say things that hurt me.
When she started to get personal, I got angry and I too start to find words that could hurt her.
The problem is no longer the issue, unconciously, I was trying to hurt that lady more than
what she already thrown at me rather than solving the problem.
Being so inexperience at saying hurtful things to others, I lost the fight and cry.
Afterwards the lady's husband talk to me and try to solve the problem nicely.
I have my fault, she have her fault, the problem was simple and it could be settle even simpler.
He's sorry that her wife said all those things, "she's always like that" the husband said.
So i felt better and apologize to him(not to the lady though) and the problem is settled.

I'm ashamed of myself because I dropped down to her level and say all those things in attempt to
hurt her feeling. And so sad, because never in my life have i been in a confrontation
with a total stranger.

And also, I felt sorry for the lady's husband and kids. Maybe not the husband, because if he's
still married to the lady until now, and apologize to me for the way she behaved, then he might
be one of those human with the ability to ignore words, and not easily affected by words.
But the kids, one of them might have weak souls like me and words are sharper than knife.
If the lady lash out at her kids the same way she lash out at me, the words are more likely
stays in their heart forever. Maybe not the words, but the feelings and who make them feel
that way will remain forever, overshadowing all the good things the person might do or say.

And I believe, this could also be the cause of divorce cases in Malaysia.
I dont quite follow Malaysian celebrity married life but there's this one couple that caught
me by suprise when they split up. One of them is sort of a celebrity.
They both live a low profile life, the husband seems a mature and sensible guy and the wife is
the type of girl that every Malay guys dream to have, young, sweet and feminine, modestly fashionable, smart and educated.

So what could go wrong?

I might not know their story or the story of every other couples who split up, but would it be
 too far fetched if I say it might have to do with small things, bundle up to big things, leads
up to frustration, and then end with bad arguments that hurt both person's feelings? And guys have certain egos. Some words may crossed the line and make them feel they're not respected or worthless.

Lets say the husband is the cause, both husband and wife are working, both tired.
Maybe guys sometimes didnt help to look after the baby when the  wife cooks, or the husband
got home late, doesn't help with chores, or smoke nearby the kids. So the wife naturally
will nag, got mad and say some hurtful words along with the points that she should have only say.
If both didnt control what come out of their mouth, things will end up badly.

We all have arguments, we all have our discontent towards our spouse, every couple have them.
But why some could argue til they old and grey and some could only argue up to a year or two?
What words came out of their mouths when they argue, its just plain frustration or condescending,
hurtful unfiltered words.

Picture this, if you did something wrong, how would you want your spouse to let it out to you.
We can always confront each other by not using harsh and sharp words. Its hard, but we could try.
Its a small effort to a healthy relationship with the people we love.

I've heard enough cases of couples got mad, quarrels, got divorce and then regret everything
cause they clearly love each other and it doesnt do any good to the kids.

So my fellow ladies, and men, whenever you are mad about something, you sense that the fight is getting worse and you still have arrays of thoughts and words waiting to burst out of your mouth,good and bad, RUN.
Run to different rooms, run to the toilet, get outside, scream those words to the air(not to your spouse)make sure nobody could hear you, OR,
find a book and a pen, voice recorder, laptops, okay maybe not laptops
cause how could you type when you're mad? If you can then good.
Then, write it down, everything, good words bad words, harsh words, write it down record it,
until every grievance, discontent and anger made it out from your system.

When you're cool down, check back what you rite, filter out those harsh and unnecessary word, pick up the points you want to discuss, and discuss it calmly.

There's another method to stop anger, a crazy method at that, is to fake laugh.
Yes, sounds weird but even when we fake laugh or fake smile, we managed to put the anger on halt and think the whole situation clearly.

Its not worth it to hurt someone's feeling, especially someone we love, over some silly things.

And I need to emphasize, the sharp words thrown are most likely stays in people's heart forever. Maybe not the exact words, but the feelings and who make them feel that way will remain forever, overshadowing all the good things the person have done or said.
Words can create love, and words can diminish love and build up hate.

We will encounter problems, conflicts and people might do something we don't like constantly in our life. But try to argue to find solution, to make things better, not argue to hurt one another.

So try, me and you, everyone, to control our anger, and words that come out of or mouth.
Especially, ultimately, to the ones we love.

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Tim Minchin - 9 Life Advice

*As usual drafted post since 2 months ago.

This is the part of Tim Minchin commencement speech at University of Western Australia which very much inspire me.

One: You don’t have to have a dream. Americans on talent shows always talk about their dreams. Fine if you have something you’ve always wanted to do, dreamed of, like in your heart, go for it. After all it’s something to do with your time, chasing a dream. And if it’s a big enough one it’ll take you most of your life to achieve.  

I never really had one of these dreams and so I advocate passionate, dedication to the pursuit of short-term goals. Be micro-ambitious. Put your head down and work with pride on whatever is in front of you. You never know where you might end up. Just be aware the next worthy pursuit will probably appear in your periphery, which is why you should be careful of long-term dreams. If you focus too far in front of you you won’t see the shiny thing out the corner of your eye. 

Two: Don’t seek happiness. Keep busy and aim to make someone else happy and you might find you get some as a side effect. 

Three: Remember it’s all luck. You are lucky to be here. Understanding that you can’t truly take credit for your successes nor truly blame others for their failures will humble you and make you more compassionate. Empathy is intuitive. It is also something you can work on intellectually.

Four: Exercise. Play a sport. Do yoga, pump iron, and run, whatever but take care of your body, you’re going to need it. 

Five: Be hard on your opinions. 

We must think critically and not just about the ideas of others. Be hard on your beliefs. Take them out onto the verandah and hit them with a cricket bat. Be intellectually rigorous. Identify your biases, your prejudices, your privileges. Most of society is kept alive by a failure to acknowledge nuance.

Six: Be a teacher! Teachers are the most admirable and important people in the world. You don’t have to do it forever but if you’re in doubt about what to do be an amazing teacher. Even if you’re not a teacher, be a teacher. Share your ideas. Don’t take for granted your education. Rejoice in what you learn and spray it.

Seven: Define yourself by what you love. 

We have a tendency to define ourselves in opposition to stuff. As a comedian I make my living out of it. But try to also express your passion for things you love. Be demonstrative and generous in your praise of those you admire. Send thank you cards and give standing ovations. Be pro stuff not just anti stuff.

Eight: Respect people with less power than you. . I have in the past made important decisions about people I work with – agents and producers - big decisions based largely on how they treat the wait staff in the restaurants we’re having the meeting in. I don’t care if you’re the most powerful cat in the room, I will judge you on how you treat the least powerful. 

Nine: Finally, don’t rush. You don’t need to know what you’re going to do with the rest of your life. I’m not saying sit around smoking cones all day but also don’t panic! Most people I know who were sure of their career path at 20 are having mid-life crises now.
There is only one sensible thing to do with this empty existence and that is fill it. Life is best filled by learning as much as you can about as much as you can.


The last one really caught me.
I have been panicking ever since I turned 30 of how/where my life will be heading towards, what to do next and what's  my future gonna be like. I'm so sure of what I wanna do since the 3rd year of university and have been living that life for the past 5 years. But as I grew, I changed and I no longer wanted that life and I'm not sure what direction I should go anymore and it freaked me out to no end.
So these speech at least put me on a brake, and slowly figure out what I wanna fill my life with.

I hope it could give inspiration to others who are in my position.

Full transcript of his speech here.

Friday, December 08, 2017

Saddest day of my life

So my little kitten died last night.

I can't really remember the saddest day of my life before. Probably the day I got my PMR result because Im too scared of what my mother will say. Well basically most of the sad days in my life are the results of what my mother said to me or a variation of that.

But last night was different. The first time I've ever felt that kind of sad. The kind of sad that intertwined with crushed hope, guilt and love.

I'm not a cat person. I'm not a loving person. I don't like cats or babies or anything small because they demand too much attention.
I need attention.
So I don't like having to give attention to others.

My husband however is a cat person, he did mentioned to me, giving me hints a couple of times whenever the mother cat at his parent's house gave birth to a litter or whenever he encountered kitten wandering around at his work/wherever. His eyes seems to have special kitten detector/sensor.
But almost every time he told me I just smile and not really responding to the idea. Neither agreeing nor disagreeing.

The last time I had a kitten was 20 years ago when the 10 year old me and my little brother heard a kitten cry on the other side of the road in front of our house in Penang. Its a Persian cat with blue eyes probably got left behind or abandoned by his owner. He's about 4-5 weeks old already walking on his own, so we asked the maid to help us crossed the road, pick him up, bathed him and feed him cat food. He slept and started jumping around the house after he woke up. He went on and lived with us for the rest of his life. In Penang we only have one neighbors, he was still a kitten so that neighbor love him as much as we do. But his last couple of years are not as nice because we moved to a suburb in Perak. He's grown an adult cat, sneaked in the neighbor's house, steal fishes and impregnate other neighbor's cat. Some neighbors like him, some don't. The ones who don't, REALLY hated him. We couldn't stop him, he has gone a bit wild and can't be controlled. He doesn't like being in the house anymore. And we are the kind of people who doesn't have the heart to neuter cats. He got beaten few times, we used to came home from grandparents house to find him covered in blood. Dad will take him to the vet. But after few months, he died poisoned by bad neighbors when I was in boarding school. My parents gave him proper burial and Mom make sure we didn't take in any more kittens afterwards. We might not be the type of people who could take care and train cats well. So afterward if my young hearts (who still have love towards animal or babies at the time) found a kitten, my parents would make me give it away after we fed them.

But on the morning of Friday 1st December 2017, it was a public holiday (Maulidur Rasul day) my husband went out to service his car, and came back with a box and I heard a tiny, long cry from inside it.
Felt like a dream because I was still sleeping, but I knew my husband had brought home the kitten he's talking about the day before.
Before I could say anything, he said,
"Syg sorry, aku jumpa anak kucing kat tepi jalan."
"Yang oren kat site opis syg tu ke?" I asked.
"Bukan..yang ni aku jumpa tepi jalan on the way balik service kereta tadi. Dia kecik sangat aku tak sampai hati nak tinggal, kalau aku biar nanti die kena langgar kereta."
I went to look inside the box.
I swear to God it was the littlest thing, half the size of my palm... eyes haven't opened, ears haven't unfolded, umbilical cord still attached. This one is barely a week old. Probably has just been born yesterday, or the day before. I told my husband, this is too young, he could not survive without his mother, he should've waited, maybe the mom came back for him.
My husband said he couldn't wait that long since he was in the middle of the road, and the kitten is moving towards the main road, he got no choice.
So I had no choice. I start googling what I can feed him with. (Never ever feed newborn kitten with cow's milk, human milk or any normal milk you know.)
My husband was already ahead of me, he already bought Kitten Milk Replacer from a pet clinic and a syringe to feed him with. Despite from looking fragile, the kitten was otherwise active. He moves and cries a lot. He hasn't get the hang of feeding from a syringe yet but he still drinks. So we assume he's healthy enough.
We kept on googling on neonatal kitten care. So we found out that neonatal kittens couldn't pee and poop on their own so we need to rub its bottom to stimulate the eliminating process.
And so we did. I can say that was the first time a I could feel that happy seeing little poop coming out of a kitten's bum.
After pooping, he went on to sleep, probably tired of the day.

We already had plan that day to go looking for clothes to wear for my brother's wedding next weekend. Since it could take whole day, we took him along because we need to feed him every 2-3 hours. He was asleep most of the time in the car and we were wondering whether to wake him up when it's time to feed. The first two hours we did not wake him up because when he wakes up, all he do is cry and that makes us worry more. So we let him sleep. But around 7pm we woke him up and feed him anyway, cause he might not know he's hungry. It's a learning curve, but we couldn't take any risk. We just trying to use whatever information on the internet and combine with our common sense. At this age, any reason could be the reason. so we wake him up no matter how peaceful he looks when he sleep.
So that's DAY 1.

That's when our life started to revolve around him, what to do with him, what to name him, non-stop googling about him, endless worrying whether we feed him too much, too little, or the milk too hot or too cold. why is he crying a lot and is it normal for him to always moving about the box, (I thought all little kitten do is sleeping) or if we manhandled him too much his muscle/body hurt.
I started asking my friends whom I know have raised cats and kittens but most of them have kittens that is already more than 4-5 weeks old. The ones who have neonatal kittens, have their mother along, but they did help confirming what we've been reading on the internet, making us more confident to take care him, to make him survive.

Saturday, 2nd December.
The day before we decided to name him Olen. He has white soft fur but his ear was orange, his tail was orange and he has 3 orange dots coming up from his tail to his back bone.
We maintained feeding him every 2-3 hours, even waking up at night.
We usually go climbing on Saturdays so today we brought him along. Before that we stopped by at a Pet shop to buy him a bottle, hoping he could feed more from a bottle than a syringe. Also he got flea so the shop suggested a flea spray for kitten 2 days old and above. We already brought hot water, his KMR so we plan to feed him at the climbing gym later.

As expected, he slept almost all the time at the climbing gym, and we had to wake him up to feed him. And we were right, he loves the bottle more and he drinks way more now from the bottle than he did before.
On this day, we were worried that he hasn't pooped again since the last time he poop. he only pees a little and we are concerned that all the crying is due to constipation. But at night time, he did poop when my husband fed him, not because the stimulation we gave him. And its a lot. Now we worried if he got diarrhea. But he doesn't seem weak.
My husband planned to spray him with the flea spray tomorrow cause we afraid he might get cold if we spray him during the night.
We were sleeping in the living room, so we put his box on the floor next to the living room so we could always go and look for him.

Sunday, 3rd December
We read that kittens need warmth from the mother or siblings because their body couldn't regulate their body temperature yet. But all the site we read is from an English site. Most of them bought a heating pad for these newborn kitten and most of them has a litter. not a single newborn. We was wondering maybe because the weather in English/US country are colder than Malaysia hence the need of heating pad. Malaysia is already a hot country so we wonder if heating pad is too much for a kitten. We don't have any idea how much heat the kitten needs. So we put a lot of clothes in the kitten box and at night we put water bottles with slightly hot water in the box for his warmth. He seems to like it because he always sleep near the bottle or on top of the bottle.

Today we used the flea spray on him and make sure it doesn't get to his face. It was so satisfying to see all the fleas came out, paralyzed and drop dead on their own. He got less fleas after that.

Then we went out again, because we went out late on Friday so only my husband managed to buy his attire. As usual, Olen will sleep along the way until we woke him to feed him. We never switch on the car aircond and always wondering if he's too warm or not enough warm in the car. Because at home, he always cries and move around but in the car most of the time he'll sleep.
At home, whenever he's asleep he will wake up if we try to take a peek of him or if we try to lift the top part of the box slowly to watch him sleep. Then he'll cry and move around again until he fell asleep again. At the time, we were wondering if he cries a lot due to some discomfort.
He still doesn't poop today. And this cause us to question how many mL does we gave him the KMR cause when we use bottle he seems to eat more and caused him to overfed. We questioned about EVERYTHING at this point. By night, he pooped a little. We were relieved but we were still worried. We don't know how often he should poop.

DAY 4 
Monday 4th December.
We both need to work today but since we both work in Cyberjaya, my husband planned to go back home to feed him every 3 hours. We planned to go to the vet for general check up and to ask about everything we worried about. So during lunch, my husband told me he'll bring Olen and pick me up at my office and we went to a pet clinic in Putrajaya.
The thing that we wanted to ask was,
1. Why does he cries a lot and does that means discomfort??
2. Why was he so active and moves a lot?
3. Why doesn't he pooped frequently?
4. and can a human hand manhandle kitten that age a lot?(We need to manhandle him for feeding)

So the vet told us, he doesn't poop because his bladder has no poop. That if we fed him right, he wont poop that much and the frequency is not everyday. Sometime once every two days. So that's normal. He doesn't constipated or got diarrhea, the poop color is normal for a milk feeding kitten. So that answers 1st and 3rd question.

Then vet also said, its normal for a kitten to cries a lot and move about, means he's healthy. the one who is silent and not active is the one you need to worry about. So that answers our 2nd question.

And when asked if we hold him too much might affect him, she said, you cant hold a newborn kitten when the mom is around because mom wont like human smell on her kitten and might abandon him if he's been manhandled a lot. but the ones with no mom, we need to touch him not only to feed but to give him love because he has no mother or siblings to do that. So that make us happy too.
I even hoped and dream to make him sleep with us when he's a little older.

I did asked the vet whether he can survive. What else can we do to make him survive.
She told us that even kitten older than him will be hard to survive without their mom, but we can try our best to make him survive, and for now Olen is still healthy so InsyaAllah you can try.

The visit to the vet really makes us even more confident to take care of Olen until he passed this first week of his life which is also the most critical and fragile week of an orphaned kitten's life.

The visit to the vet make us hope even more. It's already 4th day we took him.
He'll be one week old in few more days,
his eyes will open,
his ear will unfold,
and he'll be stronger..
Hes already getting stronger because he could climb up the box if we put warm bottle inside it. He's getting smarter!

Looking at all the fancy kitten food makes me eager to wait for him to be able to eat solid food. Just a couple more weeks to solid food..He's teeth will start to come out.. I cant wait for his first teeth to come out..

We have so many plans for him, my husband even planned to buy him a cage at the pet clinic but he was still too small for the cage. So we will wait for him to get a little bigger.
I took a liking to a cat playhouse that will also look nice on the living room, where Olen can play and climb on when he's bigger.

At other time, I did day dream about when we decided to have kids, Olen would be 1 or 2 year old and he could be our child's first friend.

After the vet, we are more relaxed and no longer worry too much. We were confident we could do this.

At this point, it looked like we did everything right.

So can you guess why our little kitten died?

Tuesday, 5th December 2017

We were getting used to waking up at night to feed him and my husband will go back home as usual to feed him during the day. Everything is routine by 5th day. These 5 days we take turns feeding him peeing and pooped him, played with him, or just stared at him. He has itty bitty round pink nose. Itty bitty paws. He has grown longer, if not bigger, his stomach will be well rounded after he's been fed. We'll get excited whenever he suckle aggressively to the bottle, if he wants more he will suckle to our fingers so we'll give him more, and whenever yellow poop came out from that little bum after we rub it,that's happiness for us. These five days, all our problems we've been having had been put aside, and we channel all our energy to this little thing. We mostly worried about him day and night but still having him make us feel warm inside..

He's almost a week old,
his eyes will open soon,
his ears will unfold,
and he'll be stronger..

He could run around soon..
He still haven't had that kitten smell yet, he just smell sweet like the KMR he's been feeding on.

Around 9pm my husband went to look at him, not his feeding time yet but we like to go and peek on him sleeping every now and then. Sometime if we managed to keep quiet, he will continue sleeping and we would watch him sleep but  if we make a sound, he will wake up, move about actively and cry non stop as usual.
But that night, he woke up as my husband approach. But..he did not move about. He just move his head a little, and he looked weak, no cries, at all.
I freaked out.
We freaked out.
Because the vet told us, when the kitten is silent and not moving much is when we should start freaking out.
We had no idea what went wrong. I  asked if my husband came back and feed him during the day. He said yes.
I swear to god I freaked out. Is he hungry? Is he cold? Is he overfed? Does he got germs from our hands? I tried calling the vet in Putrajaya but the clinic wa already closed. I google any other nearby pet clinic that is still open after 9pm. None around Cyberjaya/Putrajaya, Puchong or Seri kembangan, then I found one in Kajang, it opens until 10pm. I called and they said they'll open, even after 11.
So we refill his bottle with warm water and stormed out and bring Olen to Kajang. Took us 30minutes without traffic. God knows my feeling at the time and I cry the whole drive to the clinic. Having a panic attack everytime I couldn't see his stomach moving.

Saw me crying, the nurse asked to bring Olen to the vet right away to see if there's anything critical. Then she came out after 5 minutes saying that he's only sleeping and kittens are always sleeping, its normal.
We both almost screamed NO!!
So the nurse asked us to wait our turn while the vet finished with the current pet in the room.

While waiting, I saw other people brought in their older cat in their carrier, while wondering whether I could see Olen reach that age. A lady on the dog side of the clinic is crying while her husband calm him. God I was so scared.
After about 15 minutes we were called in and we told the vet Olen's is suddenly weak and not moving about as normal.
She asked some question and she couldn't figure out what makes him weak and then she took out a thermometer, stick it on Olen's bum, and then there's the problem.

Olen's body temperature is too low. We told him we put warm/hot water in a bottle every night. Sometimes one bottle sometimes two because we don't know how hot is not hot enough or too much, so we just rely on our instinct.
Then the vet asked, only at night? We said yes because day time is already warm. She said no, you need to put the warm bottles during the day too, because he doesn't have a mother or siblings to warm him. And even you put the bottles at night, they'll lose heat after couple of hours and you need to refill again.
the previous vet didn't mentioned this.
after she took out the thermometer, Olen pooped a little and the vet confirmed he doesn't have constipation or germs problem cause his poop is normal. He's healthy, he's just cold. If he's cold he couldn't absorb all the nutrient from the milk and he'd be bloated or dehydrated and it's fatal for neonatal kittens.

She told us the cause of death for neonatal kittens are body temperature and dehydration. Elsewise, we've been feeding him right and he seems healthy.
So she refilled the bottle with hot water for our 30 minutes ride home because the water in the bottle is no longer warm. We told her we don't know how hot is hot and how is not enough. She told us, if you can stand the hotness in your palm then its okay for the kitten, wrap the bottle with a cloth and put two bottle if necessary.
Don't put his box directly on the floor. If you do, put more clothes below the box.
And the vet also said the normal body temperature of a kitten is 32deg C. If its lower the thermometer will only display L and it means the kittens temperature is too low already. I asked her where could I get the thermometer, she told us its already 10pm and most of the shop is already close. But she insist we get Olen warm and he'll be ok, if he's still weak bring him over again tomorrow morning.

So we did. We saw Watson outside the clinic but we're not sure if they sell thermometer. We were focused on getting him warm so we just want to go home quickly.

As we reached home, we put two bottles of hot/warm water, like the vet did, put his box inside another box so he's box isn't directly on the floor, and my husband change the cloth he currently sleep in afraid the cloth might be cold because he sometimes like to sleep on top of the bottle instead of on the cloth. So my husband took one of my old shawl, iron it to make sure it's warm and replace it with the old cloth. Its already past his feeding time but we didn't wanna feed him until he's warm first.

So we both sat next to the box and just watch him sleep. As long as his stomach keep moving, he still breathing.
I was contemplating whether all these were too hot for him. He's just a small thing. Can he handle the heat? Two bottles one at each of his side and a warm cloth underneath. Maybe he will move or cry if hes getting too hot. After 15-20 minutes, I don't actually remember how long, we could see he started to move, cry a little like he always did on his sleep, so we took it as he's already ok, and when we felt his body is starting to warm, we move the bottles, a little further from him. He also did move a little further up away from the bottle so we knew he now could move away on its own if he felt the bottle is too hot.
We never left his side, I just did my puzzle next to him, and look at him every couple of minutes. My husband fell asleep on the floor on the other side of the box. So I told him to go sleep on the mattress. I kept looking at Olen's sleeping, sometimes moving, switching position. I do my puzzle. Cant really sleep. Worried. Waiting for him to wake up cause we still need to feed him. Or if his bottles getting cold, I need to replace them.
Its daunting not knowing what he felt, I was just hoping he could give me a sign. Is he hungry? Is he getting too hot? Is he comfortable? No? Just watching him sleep not knowing, I was just so afraid.

I couldn't remember how long has it been, maybe one hour?or two? not too long. When I took a peek at him again, and saw him no longer moving.
Lying on its side.
The round stomach no longer moving up and down.
His jaw already drop...

And my heart broke...

I screamed to my husband and woke him up.
"Olen da tak gerak..."
He took him on his palm, trying to give him CPR.
I tried to gave him CPR,
I just couldn't stand watching him lying on my husband palm, frozen, unmoving.
I just ran to the other side of the room and cry my heart out,
while my husband keep on calling his name, like trying to wake him up from one of his sleeps...

My brain just couldn't comprehend, but I came to conclusion..

He was too hot..he was..
He was getting warmer.. but then its getting too hot..
He couldn't handle it..
We didn't know..
We didn't remove one of the bottles..
We watch him sleep through the heat..
We watch him die..
He couldn't move..he's too weak..
He couldn't handle the heat..hes just a little thing..
If we can stand the heat, he might not..
We were so stupid..
We didn't think of common sense..
We should've bought a thermometer..
So we know when to remove the bottles.....

I was so frustrated, guilty and mad with myself..

Even though he has no mother, he couldn't stand a chance being raised by two clueless, stupid giant of a human.

Now we never get to see him grow...
We never got to see him running around the house..
They said little kitten eyes is always blue, but i wont know..
cause his eyes will never open..
his ears will never unfold..
He wont get any stronger..

My husband don't get to buy him a cage,
I don't get to buy him his play house, or feed him fancy solid food for kittens.
Our future kid will never have Olen as his first feline friend.
Olen is gone, because of his two caretaker's stupidity...

I cry the rest of the night, woke up in the morning, cry again, goes to work, keep crying, took a half day off, and sleep.
There's no DAY 6 for Olen.
My journal of him stopped at DAY 5.
God lend him to us for 5 short days.

That little bundle.

I couldn't get his image out of my head, trying to distract the image by sleeping and watching TV series.

The image of him suckling on the bottle, climbing out from my palm, his cries.. him lying unmoving at the end. The images keeps on coming. I just couldn't live with the guilt.

I couldn't sleep, whenever i feel hot under my blanket I'll think of him, felt gulity and cry, when I drink water I think of him and cry, all the while hearing his small cries all  over the house.

Please forgive us little kitten.
Please forgive us the stupid giants..

the next day I have to listen to Quran's to keep me calm enough to sleep, and last night I watch stuffs in YouTube till I fell asleep.

Today is DAY 8, exactly the same day last week my husband brought him home.
Now hes gone.
But after all the sadness, today I no longer cries and I could write this without crying.
I could work.
I can move on.
I hope he'll forgive us from whatever heaven hes in now.

For all the people out there, who are or will be in our situation, take this lesson from us.
Their mother is their best chance of surviving for newborn kitten under a week old.
But if the mother's gone, try your best to not neglect any espect.
1. Milk- only KMR or goat milk for kitten.
2-3hours a day, about 3-4mL depending on his weight.
Weigh him always so u know how many milk u should give.
2. Stimulate him to help him eliminate.
3. Buy a thermometer and make sure his body temperature didn't drop. 32deg and above. No less. And don't overheat. Please.

We did not succeed,but others do. So you might succeed too.
Just try hard and dont make mistakes like we did.

To my little angel Olen,
Thank you for coming to my life those 5days.
I love you.
We love you.
Forgive us.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Life Advice (Part 2)

Don’t work for anyone else

“What are you studying in school?”
“Uh, computer science.”
“Why do you like computer science?”
“Well I don’t, but there are lots of jobs in that field right now.”
Oh teenage David. Look at me. I’m twenty-nine and currently hatching a plan to escape from my second career. It’s not horrible, I just don’t want to spend half my waking life helping rich land developers get richer. I never did, though I didn’t always think I could do better.
Before you sign on for a chunk of college loan debt so you can learn what others say you should, hear me out.
What is normal in our society is to sell your time (customarily, forty hours of it per week, in five eight-hour stretches) for an agreed-upon flat rate. This is what most people do and what most people will tell you to do.
This is your time on earth. We’re talking about sizable pieces of the only life you’re going to have, sold to a company that — and let’s be honest — is probably not doing for the world what you’d like to do for the world. Do you really want your role on this planet to revolve around smoothly-running data entry systems? Insurance policies? Widgets?
But most people don’t see another way. The standard way to make a living is to rent yourself out for the better part of five days a week to achieve someone else’s purpose. In the time that remains, the weekends and the fleeting hours of the evening, you can live your life, or at the very least recover from your workweek. Sounds like a regular deal with the devil.
Rent out your forty hours like that, and somebody else gets to decide:
  • When that forty hours is (right through the prime daylight hours, almost always)
  • How you are to be spending that time, and why
  • What you are allowed to wear, do and say during that time
  • When you can take a vacation
  • Who you work with
  • When you deserve more money
  • What your purpose is, at least until 4:30
  • Whether to continue to supply your income or not
Once you’re playing this game, the main strategy is to make a lot of money for your boss, and over time they will share a small fraction of it with you in the form of incremental bumps in your salary.
You may luck out, of course. Some people do find that their own purpose matches the purpose of the person they sell their days to, so there’s no conflict there. But that’s not reality for most of us.
Don’t get mixed up in this racket.
What can you do instead? Do what your would-be boss is doing. Create something of value, and find the people who value it most. A service or a product that people value, and that others aren’t delivering as well, or at all.
If you need help to produce it, you will certainly be able to find a lot of people willing to sell you their time for a flat rate. If you need a method, there are hundreds of established, tested models in the library, online (yes, online), and at the bookstore. Pick one that speaks to you and see what happens.
The idea of running my own business always sounded preposterous. I fell for one of the biggest entrepreneurial myths: that you must risk a large sum of money to start a business venture. I think I came under that impression by watching an episode of Roseanne in which a financial advisor tells her she’d never heard of anyone starting a business for less than fifty thousand dollars. I missed the part where they said they were talking about restaurants.
I’d heard most businesses fail within five years (or something) and of course I pictured myself becoming part of that majority, ending up penniless in a green shack at the corner of Baltic and Mediterranean.
No, I dismissed any entrepreneurial ambitions long before I was done high school. I knew that such an uncompetitive, unambitious soul would always have to work for someone else. That was just reality.
So I jumped on the lucrative professional field du jour, computer programming. Four years later, I’d racked up some debt, run my self-esteem into the ground, forgotten everything I’d learned about computer programming, and started again in the engineering industry.
Now it’s another six years down the road, and I’ve left my job to travel abroad. When I return, I’m devoting as much time as it will take to create a bossless income. I’d rather work twelve hours a day for myself than eight for someone else.
Without this advice, teenage David will be entering a cycle of employer dependence he may never know he’s in. He’ll go to school, rack up some debt, and get a job. He won’t exactly hate his job, but he’ll still dread the fleeting, final hours of Sunday evenings, and he’ll still think Friday is necessarily a better day than Tuesday. Over the decades he might eventually trudge his way up to high five figures, possibly even topping out at the low sixes. He will always depend on others for his income and will only be able to travel in two-week stretches for the first sixty years of his life.
So, teenage David: Don’t sell your time to someone else’s purpose. You can do better. Be poor for a while if that’s what it will take.

Article from:

Life Advice (Part 1)

**I read this article on the internet that I really love so I just wanna keep it here so I can revisit this every now and then. The article is actually quite long, I'll post them in two parts.

Every single day, get better at meeting people and developing relationships

These days I often describe myself as a “recovering introvert.” Comfort was the north on my personal compass, and talking to people I didn’t know was due south.
I was very much dependent on my existing friends to fulfill my social needs. I rarely took the initiative and made the plans. That I left to everyone else — because it entailed zero risk on my part.

Sticking to behavior with zero risk is a real tragedy, because it means there is no discomfort, and no discomfort means new ground is seldom broken. With that habit, social skills develop extremely slowly, because there is no need to learn anything you don’t already know how to do.
Please don’t only do what’s comfortable! That’s a perfect recipe for mediocrity. The older you get, the greater will be the gulf between what you could be and what you are, and the more sorry you’ll be.
When it comes to meeting people, it’s easy to avoid it because they’re only strangers then. You can always write off a stranger as irrelevant to your life, as you know it right now. But you don’t realize that that stranger could have been your best friend, your mentor, your key to a fantastic opportunity, or even your wife. Everyone you know now was a stranger once.
A new person in your life can open a new chapter. They can lead to new lines of work, new passions, new insight about the world and a broader, more colorful identity for you.
Most of my life, I resented people with connections. I hated that I had to resort to cold calling to find a job lead, while other people could just drop a friend an email. Of course, I didn’t see that this doesn’t happen by accident.
I always waited for others to take the lead in social situations. I would always defer to somebody with more skills or more guts, and soon I began to identify myself as a second, a subordinate, a beta personality. Clawing your way back from a subordinate social role is a hell of a battle, and the later you start the tougher the climb. Don’t let yourself slip that far.
Be a figure in a lot of other people’s lives, and keep bringing new people into your life. Meet people every day. Initiate conversations. Don’t shrink away.
Article from:

Wednesday, October 04, 2017

Of my 2nd job - Personal Tutoring

I might have not put every details about my life in the blog for the past few years.(Only big ones) So here's one.

Other than my 9-5 job, I have been a personal tutor for high school students for 3 years now.
In the first two years I just took every subject offered, Maths, Science, English for PT3, English UPSR, Maths & Add Maths for SPM. Physics(which I love), even Chemistry at some point(which I do not).
First few years also I've been learning how to deal with high school teenager, how to make them interested, and few teaching approach.

But for the past year, I've been focusing on Maths and Add Maths for Form 4 &5 students because I believe focusing on one or two things and be an expert on it is better than being jack of all trades master of none. Honestly I don't really know how to teach Science,because it's more to understanding theories and lab experiments. And English, well, I love to learn languages but I don't know how to teach them either. I could do it, but not as good as Maths subjects. So why teach something you're not 100% good at if you have subjects that you do.

I used to teach in tuition center during the night but now I only do private one to one session at student's house. I do want to teach Physics on top of Maths & Add Maths but private tutoring demands are actually more to Maths, Science, English and Bahasa Malaysia.

In tuition center however, ability to teach subjects like Physics, Chemistry and Biology are the ones that been sought after.

I used to do it for extra money, but now, on top of that, I do it for the satisfaction. When the kids got better by time, when they no longer make the same mistake, when their grade improve.

Plus I've been feeling that my 9-5 job doesn't really help other people, rather helping the industry, so teaching is something I do that makes me feel I'm helping other person directly.

So yeah that's it, I'm also been toying with the idea of becoming a lecturer one day, but for that I need to continue my studies. But if it does happen at least I have these teaching experience up my sleeves. We'll see what happens.=)

Friday, July 14, 2017

PTPTN Stuffs

Masa baru habis belajar dulu, PTPTN agak lenient dalam hal hal pembayaran. So saya bayar mana yang mampu sebab gaji pertama agak kecil.
(Tapi sebenarnya kalau berjimat cermat boleh je nak bayar, tapi yelah fresh grad baru pegang duit kan.)
So kalau ada 50 saya bayar 50 kalau boleh bayar 200 saya bayar 200, kalau dapat bonus sy bayar lebih lagi. Dan ada juga beberapa bulan, yang saya memang tak bayar langsung. Sebab mmg ada beberapa tempoh yang saya mempunyai commitment tinggi. 
Tapi saya belum di blacklist dalam tempoh itu. Saya pun pelik, tapi ada yang kata sebab saya masih bayar, walaupun tidak konsisten. Yang kena blacklist ialah yang langsung tidak bayar from the start. Thats why saya masih boleh travel kesana sini dalam beberapa tahun ni.

So nak dijadikan cerita, lepas kahwin saya dan boyfren (belum mahu panggil husband lg, hee) plan our first travel this July. Tak jauh pun, Indonesia sahaja. Lagipun ada hamba Allah yang baik hati bagi kami tiket penginapan di Bali. Saya pun belum pernah ke Bali, so oklah. 
Cumanya boyfren kena blacklist PTPTN. Saya check, saya masih OK so sebulan sebelum pergi, kami cuba settle kan baki tertunggak menggunakan KWSP akaun dua dia. Dia selesaikan half daripada baki tunggakan so dapat la diskaun 15%.

Beberapa minggu sebelum itu, sekitar awal bulan June, saya ada pergi PTPTN di cawangan USJ untuk tanya berapa bayaran bulanan saya sekarang sebab saya plan nak mula bayar bulan2 pakai potongan gaji. Sebab komitmen pun dah berkurang sikit dan kalau boleh taknak di blacklist. Staff dia cakap patut saya pun kena bayar semua, tapi since saya belum di blacklist maintain lah bayar bulan bulan. So saya pun setuju bayar RM400 sebulan. Tarikh tolakan ialah pada 10hb dan 27hb. Gaji saya masuk 24hb so kalau tiada baki dlm bank pada 10hb dia akan tolak lagi pada 27hb. Ini dalam bulan puasa, so gaji bulan June ni dia akan start tolak.

So masa hari boyfren pergi PTPTN (ini bulan July cawangan Ayer 8 Putrajaya) untuk tanya prosedur selepas thumbprint, saya tergerak nak check status saya, dan rupa-rupanya, saya pun dah kena blacklist. Hahaha. Padahal duit dah ditolak pada 27hb June. Saya tanya staff PTPTN tu bila sy di blacklist. Dia kata dalam bulan June. So saya buat kesimpulan, saya yang mengada2 cari pasal. Kalau saya just bayar je PTPTN bulan2 without pergi consult org PTPTN untuk kirakan monthly installment dan buat penolakan gaji, saya rasa saya masih selamat. Tapi since saya pergi USJ haritu, saya letakkan diri saya dalam radar PTPTN. Dan once dia gagal deduct duit pada 10hb, terus saya di blacklist sbb sy mmg dah ada tunggakan pun. Bak kata orang, lembu yang bagi leher dia untuk disembelih. Hahaha gelakkan diri sendiri.
So hari tu dengan saya2 sekali buat rundingan untuk bayaran balik. 
Esoknya 7hb July saya register i-akaun KWSP.

So macamana prosedur nak bayar PTPTN pakai EPF akaun dua? Simple je.
1. Pergi ke PTPTN dulu buat rundingan, berapa yang perlu dibayar untuk hilangkan blacklist. Memang patutnya perlu bayar semua baki yang tertunggak. (Baki tertunggak ni means kalau kita habis study tahun 2010 tempoh bayaran sampai 2015, sekarang is 2017, means kita ada baki tertunggak selama 2 tahun) Tapi kita boleh buat rundingan dan selalunya bayaran minima ialah 25%. Saya bayar RM5000 sahaja, boyfren pulak memilih untuk bayar half dari baki tertunggak dia. 

2. Then kita pergi KWSP cakap nak buat pengeluaran berapa amaun yang nak dibayar tadi, dia akan suruh kita create i-KWSP akaun di website KWSP.
Kalau tak pergi KWSP pun takpe, hanya call, sebab dia akan bagi password sementara untuk login.
Kita perlu login pakai nombor KWSP kita dan password sementara tadi. Dan bila Login kita kena tukar password. Dan apply untuk pengeluaran dalam website tersebut.

Kalau kita pergi pejabat KWSP dia akan tolong kita buat dekat sana terus. Kalau call mungkin dia akan bagi step by step, kalau macam boyfren, staff kwsp email/whatssap step by step instruction.

i-KWSP ni cara baru untuk kita buat pengeluaran akaun 2. Untuk semua tujuan lain juga, macam pengeluaran untuk housing loan, atau umrah/Haji. Masa saya buat pengeluaran untuk Housing Loan tahun 2014 belum ada lagi i-KWSP ni. So sekarang dah lebih mudah.

3. Lepas kita dah request, dia akan register, lepas register after dua ke tiga hari dia akan approve.
Lepas approve KWSP akan call untuk kita pergi thumbprint dokumen pengeluaran di mana-mana pejabat KWSP. Masa ni diorang akan perlukan bukti kita dah habis belajar, contoh, transkrip pengajian atau Degree/Diploma Certificate lah. Jangan lupa photostat siap siap sebab sesetengah KWSP tiada perkhidmatan photostat.

Kalau tiada masalah, cepat lah, thumbprint serah salinan Cert dan terus balik. Tapi macam saya ada descripancy dekat nama course di Degree Cert dan nama course di offer letter PTPTN, staff KWSP takut pegawai dia tak approve, so saya kena pergi PTPTN balik minta pegawai dia keluarkan surat yang menyatakan diorang aware akan perkara ni untuk sokong application saya di KWSP tadi.
Macam kes saya, asalnya saya ambil course Electronics Majoring in Multimedia, by sem ke tiga, saya tukar course ke Electrical tapi disebab kan course nya sama 4 tahun juga, dan amount pinjaman pun sama, saya tak perlu request pinjaman balik. Thats why offer letter PTPTN saya masih Electronics Majoring in Multimedia. So saya pergi ke PTPTN keesokan harinya dan minta pegawai buat kan surat. 
Saya suka dengan staff PTPTN Ayer 8 Putrajaya sebab diorang sangat helpful dan sangat cepat berurusan, mesra alam (dan tak judgemental).
So dah dapat surat terus saya ke KWSP hari yang sama untuk serahkan kepada pegawai untuk approval.

4. Bila dah dapat approval dari KWSP, means KWSP dah transfer amount sekian2 ke PTPTN, kita perlu pergi PTPTN untuk isi borang Ujrah. Masa saya request for surat sokongan tadi, Boyfren sudah dalam proses isi borang ujrah, dan beli setem hasil dan dia terus submit. Ujrah ni perlu untuk restructure balik bayaran untuk baki yang selebih nya. Macam boyfren, lepas ni dia hanya perlu bayar remaining baki RM100sebulan, sebab baki dia dah tinggal sikit. 

Selepas submit borang ujrah barulah PTPTN boleh clear nama dari blacklist.
So Boyfren harini 14July dengan rasmi nya sudah tidak blacklist lagi.

But I still am. T_T

Kalau blacklisted, dia akan keluar statement macam ni. 

Sebab boyfren dah apply dulu sebelum saya realize yg saya pun blacklist, so dia dah settle dulu. Sekarang saya sedang tunggu kelulusan dari KWSP selepas hantar surat sokongan dari PTPTN tadi. Mungkin dalam beberapa hari. Kalau ok saya tinggal untuk isi borang ujrah dan clear blacklist.

Keseluruhannya, proses ni tak susah, ikutkan tak payah ambil cuti pun, kita boleh check sendiri baki tertunggak di wenbsite PTPTN, buat i-KWSP akaun, hanya pergi bila nak thumbprint di KWSP. Isi borang Ujrah pun rasanya boleh submit online. Sebab staff PTPTN banyak yang boleh berbincang menggunakan whatsapp dan email.

Tapi disebab kan kami nak cepat, kami terus pergi sebab kadang2 staff ni banyak kerja dan terlupa reply whatsapp/email dokumen. So kalau kita terus pergi, lagi cepat proses.

Macam boyfren, everything settled in less than 3 weeks. 
Proses saya masih berjalan sebab saya baru apply 7hb July, skarang dah seminggu. Kami akan travel pada 23hb July InsyaAllah.
So harap nya dipermudah kan.

So kepada adik2 diluar jangan jadi macam saya, kalau pinjam apa saja study loan, buat potongan gaji dari awal,
Ada kawan saya yang istiqomah bayar study loan dr mula kerja, sekarang dah habis bayar pun.
Kalau bayar sikit2 macam saya lambat lah habis.
Bagus juga dia implement blacklist/ccris ni sebab saya org yg suka travel dan berniat nk tambah property, so dia akan buat kan saya usaha nak bayar supaya saya tiada halangan untuk buat semua ni. 
Bagi saya, bila saya meminjam, saya memang perlu bayar. Selagi tak habis bayar, saya akan rasa tak puas hati. Cuma awal-awal dulu saya kalah dengan perasaan nak shopping dan leniency PTPTN. T_T
InsyaAllah, lepas ni isu PTPTN boleh settle.

OK.sampai sini cerita PTPTN.

Nanti cerita lain pula.

****Update 19 July:
KWSP da approve payment ke PTPTN lebih kurang 9.15am, terus whatsapp staff PTPTN, dia terus clear blacklist on the spot.
Ujrah boleh buat later. Alhamdulillah.
Da xpayah check website KWSP 500 kali sehari da.hehehe.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

My Wedding - The Hit and Miss - Part 3


1. The Nikah dress

My solemnization dress is another story that I'm trying to forget but at the end it turned up looking less terrible in photos.
I just want a simple long dress with decoration on the waist and wrist. Like the silhouette of this Alia B piece.

So for the material, I bought a white Italian crepe or something(can't remember the exact name) in Jakel that cost around RM58 per meter and the color match the dutchess satin that my husband bought for his baju melayu, then because the material is thin, I need to buy another material for the inner layer, so the salesman give me another piece that cost RM8 per meter. This one is a yellowish white soft material to be use as the inside part. Since it will be so simple of a dress, I didn't expect any problem at all for this one.

Long story short, my first tailor made it the other way around, the inside one as the outside and the Italian crepe as the inside. I literally cried.

But then we go to another tailor, there's nothing she can do about the inside out material but she did some decorations to make the dress look a bit better.
On the dais, enhanced by the photographer spot light, the color of my dress doesn't look that much different from my husband.

 But outside, during the outdoor session, the difference in color/material is quite obvious and you can see the yellowish white material in contrast to my husband shiny white baju melayu.

Notice the difference
You can see the contrast from my husband here, and you can even see the hem lining of the sewing.T_T..

But at least I have this photo that I love.

2. The White Henna
So moving on from the Miss, another HIT was my white henna that made by Fiza Henna Art Ipoh.

Again I chose a simple decoration.

Some little part have peeled off because dah salam-salam my husband's relatives before the nikah.
This pic was taken after nikah.

I never was a fan of the traditional red henna, so this white one really was a hit for me. Have to answer few curious question from Opah and Mak Yang who were not used to see this white henna but thats something you have to do if you break the tradition a little.


1. The Dais for Nikah
Is our DIY project. I did asked the help from a friend who did a Pelamin Budget jobs in Penang, but he did not take jobs outside Penang due to transportation issue. And I believe they have another job in Penang so we decided to just rent some of the stuffs and make the dais ourself.

We rented the mirror box, shiny vase, the white carpets, the white ottoman pillows, the spotlights and some of the flowers at Something Borrowed by Nawal in Cyberjaya.
The rest - the sofa, the backdrop, the platform and the rest of the flowers are from Rafa Bridal, Taiping.
And my husband and my brothers did the rest.

Oh another thing that we rent is our hantaran boxes. I was looking for a glass box, but since it was last minute I only found mirror box at Supercun Wedding in Setia Alam.

So for the dais, my initial idea is very simple,we plan to do something like this,

but we got carried away as usual.

But the end result is so pretty, still simple though, and I'm really glad we did it ourselves.

 Husband's family

My family

Love this photo of both our parents cause their clothe's color complements the dais perfectly.

2. The Photobooth During Reception
Since we don't want another dais during reception, we plan to DIY a photobooth instead and it is 100% done by my husband with the help of our photographer. I just managed to help untangle the curtain lights before I have to go to hair and make up. I'm really nervous of how it will turned up  but when I first saw it I squeaked in excitement. It was exactly like what I've imagined and more.

We also rent the props from various places. Marquee letters from Bulbventure, the LED cable(the one on the floor) and the photo frame stand from Something Borrowed By Nawal and the chandelier light and bench from D'ratu Bridal Taiping.
The light curtain behind we bought from Lazada. We have other orders from Lazada but it didn't arrive before the event so we only use that one curtain lights. But thank God it turned out okay.
I love the simplicity of it and the feel it gave me.
*Notice the left chandelier is not lighted cos we've run out of plugs.

Some might ask if DIY dais and photobooth is cheaper than hiring a wedding planner?
Honestly I cant really say it is because we rent the items for both nikah dais and photobooth reception together. But in total we might have spent around RM1100-RM1300 for rental items from SBBN,Rafa Bridal,Bulbventure and D'ratu.
From what I see on social media the normal price for my nikah dais type is around RM600-800, and I've no idea about our photobooth. So I don't think its cheaper. At the very least its comparable.

The venue.

One with the family.

I've requested my family to wear maroon as to complement my dusty pink. And they did their best to follow that. Even the one my younger brother wears (on the right most) which was actually dark purple, (we even argue on this after he bought it), but it turned out to be maroon in the picture.

One with mommy

And one with the siblings.

All in all, I'm happy of how everything turned out. However thorough we plan the event, it will definitely not turned out 100% as we expected. 

I wish for a simple ceremony but it doesn't turned up as simple as I wish it had been. 1000 guest is not a simple wedding but like I said, wedding is not only for the bride/groom but it's also for the parents. And like I said in my previous post on 'Kahwin simple', I lost to my parents desire and also for mine (particularly on the dress).
I really believed we could spend RM10K for one ceremony for only relatives and close friends.
But for this one, my husband spent close to RM15K, another RM10K from my part more or less (the one that I wish I could use for my 30th birthday trip T_T..) and I believed dad threw in some RM5K on top of it. Mom some few hundreds for wedding gifts.
Surprisingly not cheap considering we DIY few things on our own. 

Imagine what we could've done with RM30K. We could buy ourselves a second house.T_T..
But that's our culture, and I didn't managed to break it.

Hopefully someone will and I cant wait for our society to change this culture entirely.

For the aftermath of the ceremony, there are a lot of things that me and my family cannot control, even more so being the first one to got married in the family. I believe my parents had no clue of what there is to do.
So again I'd like to apologize to any friends and relatives who came from afar and not satisfied with the food or any other thing. But your presents light up our ceremony and we are grateful that you spend your time sharing the moment with us. 
And despite everything, I'm also thankful for the makeup artist, photographers, and the caterers who also contributing to the event.
Not mentioning my families, aunts and uncles, cousins, relatives near and far, my friends, housemates, colleagues, schoolmates, uni mates, may God bless all of you.

Now that the event is done, its time to focus on more important thing, the marriage itself.

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