Friday, October 12, 2018

12 October 2018

Sometimes I wonder why life is so subjective and full of variables.
How does everyone else keep their sanity and focus?

This morning I chatted with a new colleague, who apparently from engineering background as well.
Make me miss being in engineering.
But I know I'm not good at it, then why my brain(or emotion) bring me there, it's totally unnecessary.

Everyday I pray to God, to show/ease what is good for me, and keep away what isn't good for me.
And help me understand the sign if there's any.
Cos I'm a hopeless human being who don't know a lot of things, including what I wanna do in this life.
What I SHOULD do and what I WANT to do is a different thing.

I just hoped I could be more firm, and stand by my goals.
I left one thing to pursue different thing, so I should just focus on that, no second guessing, no what ifs, no thinking about turning back.
No, 'what if this is a sign from God that I should go back?'


Need to learn to shut some variables out, and focus on only one thing.

Thursday, October 11, 2018

It's October

Yesterday during climbing, one of our climbing buddy asked, how's life so far in 2018.
He asked Chaoi, he said average.
He asked me, but I was on my first clip on my route already and the question has long answer. Climbing while thinking and trying to explain how the year has been is not really my talent.

First being the person who analyze every little things, I wonder why he asked. Probably he genuinely wanted to know, or most likely he's just creating a topic of conversation.

But regardless, the question makes me think. Cos I've been thinking the same thing couple of nights ago. Cos its already October.

So in February I wrote that I have 3 goals this year, Financial goal, health/beauty goals & climbing goal.
Climbing has been great improvement for me this year. Except that I wish there will be some competition that I can join, but unfortunately (and not surprisingly) no climbing event were held this year except for that Varsity event this weekend. But overall I've improved a lot in climbing.
Health and beauty well, I managed to eat better than I did in my twenties , don't know about beauty cos applying night cream every night proved to be a hassle for me. haha
Financial goal is still on hold as the main goal that we want to achieve hasn't happened yet, thus the rest of the plan that follows are also need to be on hold. it's about timing apparently. So probably 2019 InsyaAllah.

So that's 2018 for me/us. Just getting by.
We have a cat though. Adding one more source of happiness.

It seems okay, but I have this little fear, of having wasted time not doing anything significant.
But then again, not every single year of my life have been significant anyway.
We can't have a meaningful week/month/year everyday or else it wont BE meaningful.

The scariest part is not having any goals to achieve.
But I do HAVE goals, just seems like I don't have any cos the main one isn't happening yet.
So, yeah.


Monday, August 27, 2018

Fever rant

Down with fever today.
Alone at home with the cat.
I don't know how or why I got the fever, maybe the dust from the construction site next to our building, the hot weather or lack of h2o in my system these few days or maybe the psychological effect of transitioning from weekend to Monday, or cause of that little argument I had with my husband yesterday or the combination of all 5.

At this moment I really don't know what I want/should do in my life. Changes scares me, but changes is inevitable. Be it changes in yourself or changes from people around you, that could seriously affect you in one way or another.

Should I learn to adapt with these changes? Or should I try to make the situation back as it was before? Which one is better?

My brain is tired of having to process all this new information and trying to decide what's the best action to take while trying to take into account all of this new information and changes.

Friday, August 17, 2018

A weak girl

I know the problem with me and 9-5 jobs is actually ME.
I AM the problem.
I COULD NOT/DO NOT want to deal with people with colorful attitude.
Some say you can't change other people's attitude, but you can change YOUR attitude towards them. But I can't.
I'm weak in that sense.
I prefer to AVOID rather than having to DEAL with these people.

But the world doesn't only revolve around strong people does it?
Weak people have their place too.
And I believe there are a place for me somewhere in this big world.

Wednesday, August 08, 2018

Youth is wasted on the young.

Certainly the case with me no matter how hard I tried to ignore the fact.

Age 18-24
I was in Uni. Doing nothing but watching TV series, sleep and be miserable.

Age 24-27
Working my 9-5 job, up to 10pm most days and weekends, watching TV series and sleep. No more time to be miserable cos at the time I'm head over heels in love with my job.

Age 27yrs up until now.
I'm working my 9-5job
I do private tutoring on the weeknights
I climb weeknights and weekends
I learn language
and now at 31, I have pet a cat. (not that it relates to the topic, I just like mentioning it.=))

Sometimes when I got tired after my long day and tutoring session, I just told myself, I'm making up for all the time I wasted on that 6 years.

But imagine if I could tutor during my uni time. Could've earn some pocket money.
Imagine if I had climb during my uni time. Could've had at least 4 years worth of climbing time, and probably even have opportunities to compete in Comps and Games.

At least, I did learn Mandarin in my uni time all the way until now. That one bit is consistent.

Could've, Would've, Should've.

Youth is wasted on the young.

Saturday, May 05, 2018

Our Post-Wedding Part 2 The Red Songket

Second part of my shoot was a special one. My mom (and I) wanted to wear this Red Kebaya, for outdoor photoshoot during my wedding. But we could not do it at the time so we do it a year later. 

At first we thought this was the same kebaya my mom wore on her wedding reception on my dad's side some 33 years ago. 

It was said to be a gift from my Opah (my dad's mom) to my mom. And believed to be worn also by my Opah during her weading. Seems to good to be true rite?
But in the end, after checking back old photos, it is NOT the same dress. However my Opah did gave it to my mom as a wedding gift. As for whether my Opah did wear it on her wedding day, we still haven't asked. But at least we knew the Kebaya must be at least 33 years old and still in pristine condition.
Says a lot on the quality of Songket made 30 years ago. So here are the photos.

(One that my husband is wearing is rented from a local boutique, not easy to find the one that could match the old kebaya though, so we just make do with whatever on the rack)

Our Post-Wedding Part 1 - First Anniversary

It's been a year, how time flies.
For our first anniversary, we decided to do a post-wedding photoshoot since during our wedding we didn't really managed to have one.
Also we planned to wear my mom's songket at the time but no time for outfit change and an elaborate outdoor shoot since we have to rush to prepare the reception venue after entertaining guests at our solemnization at home.

To be honest I'm really happy we did this and happy with how the photos turned out.
Im not gonna share a lot in social media cos I would just spam everyone's timeline with our post-wed photos so im gonna post it here since I know it wont bother a lot of people.😅

Saturday, March 03, 2018

Indonesia Trip JUL2017 - Raja Ampat

This was actually a trip planned for clearing up the annual leave balance that I had after my resignation from my previous company. And also we got a gift certificate for a 3D2N stay in Bali for our wedding and being me, I definitely wont just settle for Bali, hence Raja Ampat came into picture.

I've wanted to go to Raja Ampat since Palawan. It's a similar remote island with out-of-the-world marine life. But after researching, Raja Ampat is way more remote and undeveloped than Palawan and way more complicated to get to. Also way too pricey to go alone.
So I put Raja Ampat on hold until the right time comes.

So we went there on July 2017.
I'll just post pictures. I've feel like I've been talking a lot about this trip.
It was the kind of trip I liked, the ones that you have to took multiple flights, ferries,boats, vans.
The ones that make you sweat, and tired by the end of the day. The only difference was this time I have someone I could complain to along the way.
But I will write about the difference of travelling alone and with a partner in other post.

Now I will only show pictures.

In a way I'm glad that the place is undeveloped because we could enjoy the Island without having to share it with thousands of other visitors.
The life there was very traditional and low-key.

The only thing I don't like about the undevelopment is that the safety is also way below par.
Raja Ampat has been known to be divers heaven, and most divers knew how to swim, hence the boats have only one or none life vest on board.

I used to have life vest handed to me before jumping off the boat in my previous snorkeling trip, but the one they had on my boat in Raja Ampat is an old and worn life vest with broken clip-on that is also way too big for me. So note to self, LEARN how to swim.


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