Saturday, November 08, 2014

Expectation management : Why negativity is underrated?

In some cases yeah, a little negativity wont hurt.

During my uni years, I've always been told that I'm  a negative person. When more than 2 people told me the same thing, I started to think this is not good. So all these while I've been trying to be more positive and shake that negativity off me. Because positivity attracts positive things, create positive vibes and will increase life quality.
Yes, that's very true.
But as I grew up, I realize that positivity has it downside.
Particularly in expectation management.

First, positivity sometimes could lead to  nonsensical self worth.

Take for an example few cases here,

Case 1: Job hunting
A fresh grad, asking for 4000RM salary.
'Because I'm good. And I deserved it' 

Says who? Even if you are a 4.0 CGPA student, when you start working, you have to learn new things and everything from scratch. The first year of you working, your company basically pay you to learn stuff. Is 4K reasonable for a fresh grad? Ask yourself that. Unless you are working with Shell, Petronas, Schlumberger or your own father's company, the answer is No.

Positivity before interview is important to built confidence and reduces nerves. 
Also during interview because you are selling yourself and you should be convincing to attract the interviewer's attention. But even too much positivity and confident have the risk of appearing too cocky or arrogant.
But after the interview a bit of negativity is good because it lowers your expectation. So if you get the job you'll be happy, if you don't you're ready for it.

In this case, the negativity is like a defensive mechanism.

Case 2: Perks
Someone who just started working demand company benefits and perks just because someone else got it.
Well that person got the benefits because they deserve it, they have a certain contribution to the company.
Evaluate yourself. Do you deserve that perks? Just because someone got it doesn't mean everybody else will get it too. Even if there are people who get what they don't deserve, don't expect yourself to be that person. If you want rewards and perks, work for it. Don't expect people will just give things too you.

Case 3: Relationship
A single person, wants a partner that have good attitude, understanding, supportive, caring and good looking. And also the person must accept him/her for what he/she is. This is already conflicting. If everybody wants to remains who they are, then who will be the one with all the positive traits stated above?

This is all because of the positivity of,
'I'm great, I shouldn't change myself just to make people like me. If the person really loves me he/she should accept me of what I am.'

Come on, we all have bad habits, attitude that we never realize we have. And I think a change of some of it is necessary. It will make us a better person even. It's not fair if we always want other people to change for us, but we refuse to change ourself.

Point is, positivity makes people expect a little too much.
Negativity on the other hand, lowers the expectation a little. This applies on every other aspect of your life, be positive as you may but don't let it make you a selfish person and expect other people to make things happen for you and do things your way. You will definitely get frustrated sooner or later.

But still positivity is key. You can be like 70% positive and 30% negative. No lesser than that.
I used to be so negative during my uni years, it drains me out and push people away from me.
Even good friends. Now that I've learned to rationed it, organized my thoughts, I've been more positive and maintain the remaining 30% of my negativity just so that I don't expect my life to be all rainbows and butterflies.

I don't have expectation towards people, or anything that I can't control.
Means I don't expect everybody to like me, or be nice to me. I don't expect my student loan will suddenly be revoked, or simple everyday stuff like winning a lucky draw or no more traffic jams.
That's very unlikely to happen. You borrow money, you pay it back. You hate traffic jams, get out from your house early. Right?

Like people said, Expect less, Give more.
That's exactly what it is.:)

1 comment:

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