What do I want in life?

At the moment, there's too many things in my mind that requires decisions, a thorough thinking, that need analyzing, that requires solution. At some point it is too overwhelming.

One of my aim in 2018 is to not live a routine life.

My wish is to not work 9-5 anymore, 

Come to think of it, I started toying with this idea when I started travelling and meet other people who travel. They live simply with little to no commitments but they were happy travelling and see the world.

But in order to be able to do that, I need to work to have enough saving.

I still love my engineering career. Staying up late at the office willingly just because I wanted to.

Then I had the opportunity to do want I wanted to since I was in high school - climbing.

This is the time where the environment in my workplace turned less and less exciting.

All I can think of is my next climbing session. How to get better. So I started to go back home right on time to go to the climbing gym. And hated the time I take in traffic travelling back home. The time I could've use to climb.

And to make things worse, (or better - depends on perspective), I then met my now husband who willing to climb with me.

It made me not want to waste any single minute after 5.30pm in the office even more.

I decided to leave the company, apply for a normal job, as long as it's near home, and I could climb after work on Wednesdays and Fridays.

I live that way for over a year, happy, I can sleep again after Subuh(though its not good actually) breakfast at 8am, arrive at office 8.30am. No traffic. Go back at 5.30pm, reached climbing gym at 6pm.
Or on alternate days, go tutoring at student's house.
My aim is to transition to tutoring full time after few months working that normal job.

And after over a year, that normal job somehow made me unhappy.

Despite all the benefits (good pay/close to home/close to climbing) its making me unhappy and make me a bitter person and I wanted to leave.
So I started looking for other job in Cyberjaya, but since my background is Engineering, its hard trying to go to different field, even if I'm willing to negotiate the salary.
So I applied for engineering job again.
I got it and of course it's not in Cyberjaya. I got one in Shah Alam, one in KL.

I'm happy I got a job, but there's still something unsettling about it.
So I asked myself, and people who I asked opinion to asked me back, what do you want actually?
What do I want in life?
I wanna be an engineer, but after few years, I wanna do normal job so I can climb, I got that normal job near to home and can climb, still unhappy, then I look for engineering job again.
Still doesn't 100% satisfied.

What do I want?

When I look at it, I still love engineering, but at some point other factors are making me unhappy.
When I work in Cyberjaya, I really love it, the place, the convenience, but there are other factors that's making me unhappy.

So eventually, there are some other factors that's making me unhappy and I will run to find some other thing that'll make me happy.

What I want is just happiness, regardless of where the source of happiness is coming from.

At the moment, as it has been for couple of years, my source of happiness is still climbing.
But if I took that engineering job in KL, my climbing time will definitely reduce drastically.

But climbing can't pay the bills and I cant be doing it till I'm 40.

But I've missed this opportunity in my twenties, why can't I do it in my 30s?

I am really frustrated and undecided at the moment.