Words cuts deeper than knives

I'm a weak soul that could not endure sharp words.
I simply dont have the ability to ignore them no matter how hard I try.
You can say I don't have a thick skin.
Yes I have the thinnest skin ever.
Some people say teach your kids so they grow to be a thick skin person.
How? By giving them though love? Not spoiling them too much?

My idea? Why dont we teach our kids to grow up to be a person who can control their anger
and not lashing out sharp words to others when they got mad.
For example, its better if our community teach our kids NOT to be a bully rather than teach them
how to not cry and stand up to those bullies.
Its the same thing.

You can get mad, its human nature to be upset.
But there's two situation in letting out anger. Lets take an example of 2 bosses who's staff
handed an overdue assignment.

Boss 1: You're overdue Mike. I already told you this report should be handed to me by Tuesday.
What do you do the whole week? You really need to cut those 'leisure time' of yours.
You need to be more productive, I dont want this to happened again, this is not a good
attitude. You need to do some changes Mike. Your attitude's not helping your career, not
here not anywhere. Please try to do better next time..

Boss 2: You're overdue Mike. I already told you this report should be handed to me by Tuesday.
What do you do the whole week? This is not your father's company that you can do all you like.
I know you've been flirting with Amy from accounting, this company is not Tinder Mike.
Go flirting on your own time. You cant even process a simple instruction as 'hand the report
by Tuesday'. Are you deaf? or did something happened to your brain? Did your mom dropped u on your head when u were a baby?...

See the difference?

It got personal.
The first boss will lash out on you, but you will feel guilty, you realized your mistake and
feel ashamed of yourself. And you might even consider changing your attitude and be a better staff.

The second boss not only make you feel guilty and ashamed,but you'll get insulted and you will
get angry yourself and start lashing out in retaliation,so you start to get personal to your boss
and things will go downhill from there.

I know when you're mad, lashing out and attack the person personally, make them hurt with
your words will gives u incredible amount of satisfaction, but what good will it bring
afterwards? None. Only mere seconds of satisfaction.

Look again at what is the reason of we getting mad.
The other person did something wrong. And you want him/her to correct it or to not do it again
in the future. In essense, you want him to be better.
So why insult him in the process of you trying to make them be better?

This are more common in women.
This is due to the fact that women are more emotional and they have a lot of things in their
brain that are connected to every other things, so they have more tendency to lash out and say
unnecesary things that could personally affect the receiver rather than conveying the actual
message.

Closests example, you can see when women are tired, as a mom/wife, they will nag.
A nag might sound harmless but when the choice of word that come out is more towards sarcasm
and insult, it could cause confrontation.

I've thought about this for a long time, cos I'm a girl. I too have the tendency to lash out
and speak unnecessary things to hurt the person I'm angry with.
But recently I have a confrontation with a stranger, a lady, because of something
I could not control, that honestly is one of the most terrible feeling I've felt in a long time.
I cant actually get that terrible feeling out of my memory.

Its just a simple thing at first, but this lady was angry and started to say things that hurt me.
When she started to get personal, I got angry and I too start to find words that could hurt her.
The problem is no longer the issue, unconciously, I was trying to hurt that lady more than
what she already thrown at me rather than solving the problem.
Being so inexperience at saying hurtful things to others, I lost the fight and cry.
Afterwards the lady's husband talk to me and try to solve the problem nicely.
I have my fault, she have her fault, the problem was simple and it could be settle even simpler.
He's sorry that her wife said all those things, "she's always like that" the husband said.
So i felt better and apologize to him(not to the lady though) and the problem is settled.

I'm ashamed of myself because I dropped down to her level and say all those things in attempt to
hurt her feeling. And so sad, because never in my life have i been in a confrontation
with a total stranger.

And also, I felt sorry for the lady's husband and kids. Maybe not the husband, because if he's
still married to the lady until now, and apologize to me for the way she behaved, then he might
be one of those human with the ability to ignore words, and not easily affected by words.
But the kids, one of them might have weak souls like me and words are sharper than knife.
If the lady lash out at her kids the same way she lash out at me, the words are more likely
stays in their heart forever. Maybe not the words, but the feelings and who make them feel
that way will remain forever, overshadowing all the good things the person might do or say.

And I believe, this could also be the cause of divorce cases in Malaysia.
I dont quite follow Malaysian celebrity married life but there's this one couple that caught
me by suprise when they split up. One of them is sort of a celebrity.
They both live a low profile life, the husband seems a mature and sensible guy and the wife is
the type of girl that every Malay guys dream to have, young, sweet and feminine, modestly fashionable, smart and educated.

So what could go wrong?

I might not know their story or the story of every other couples who split up, but would it be
 too far fetched if I say it might have to do with small things, bundle up to big things, leads
up to frustration, and then end with bad arguments that hurt both person's feelings? And guys have certain egos. Some words may crossed the line and make them feel they're not respected or worthless.

Lets say the husband is the cause, both husband and wife are working, both tired.
Maybe guys sometimes didnt help to look after the baby when the  wife cooks, or the husband
got home late, doesn't help with chores, or smoke nearby the kids. So the wife naturally
will nag, got mad and say some hurtful words along with the points that she should have only say.
If both didnt control what come out of their mouth, things will end up badly.

We all have arguments, we all have our discontent towards our spouse, every couple have them.
But why some could argue til they old and grey and some could only argue up to a year or two?
What words came out of their mouths when they argue, is it just plain frustration, or condescending
hurtful unfiltered words.

Picture this, if you did something wrong, how would you want your spouse to let it out to you.
We can always confront each other by not using harsh and sharp words. Its hard, but we could try.
Its a small effort to a healthy relationship with the people we love.

I've heard enough cases of couples got mad, quarrels, got divorce and then regret everything
cause they clearly love each other and it doesnt do any good to the kids.

So my fellow ladies, and men, whenever you are mad about something, you sense that the fight is getting worse and you still have arrays of thoughts and words waiting to burst out of your mouth,good and bad, RUN.
Run to different rooms, run to the toilet, get outside, scream those words to the air(not to your spouse)make sure nobody could hear you, OR,
find a book and a pen, voice recorder, laptops, okay maybe not laptops
cause how could you type when you're mad? If you can then good.
Then, write it down, everything, good words bad words, harsh words, write it down record it,
until every grievance, discontent and anger made it out from your system.

When you're cool down, check back what you rite, filter out those harsh and unnecessary word, pick up the points you want to discuss, and discuss it calmly.

There's another method to stop anger, a crazy method at that, is to fake laugh.
Yes, sounds weird but even when we fake laugh or fake smile, we managed to put the anger on halt and think the whole situation clearly.

Its not worth it to hurt someone's feeling, especially someone we love, over some silly things.

And I need to emphasize, the sharp words thrown are most likely stays in people's heart forever. Maybe not the exact words, but the feelings and who make them feel that way will remain forever, overshadowing all the good things the person have done or said.
Words can create love, and words can diminish love and build up hate.

We will encounter problems, conflicts and people might do something we don't like constantly in our life. But try to argue to find solution, to make things better, not argue to hurt one another.

So try, me and you, everyone, to control our anger, and words that come out of or mouth.
Especially, ultimately, to the ones we love.