So, the unexpected happened.
I'll be getting married somewhere next year.
As a person who never anticipate marriage and wedding, I have no clue on what I should do and prepare for the event.
PHASE 1
During the very beginning when I slowly learn the process of wedding, I cringe. I was like, 'there's no way I'm gonna do all these things with my own money or my boyfriend's money or my parents money. Or anybody's money for that matter.
In general we are told that wedding will cost us a minimum of RM10000 (that's the minimum and only few lucky ones manage to get it done with RM10K or below.)
Average wedding in Malaysia costs around RM20-30K. And we're not talking about lavish ones that cost more than that, just take the average here.
So you started to investigate, what are those RM20K for.
1. Hantaran/dowry
The common nowadays is RM10K.
But the rate varies according to the girl level of education. If the girl have Degree or Masters parents will ask for more.
You'll question what is this hantaran for?
Normally the girl's parents will use this hantaran money for the wedding ceremony. If there are some remaining after the event, they will give it to the bride.
2. The ceremony.
a. You figured out the cost of catering. Cheapest are around RM10 per pax, but the minimum is normally 1000pax. So it's RM10K only for food.
b. Then after food you need to have table and chairs. If you're doing the ceremony outdoor you need to have a tent.
Some places can give you a wedding hall package with food, table chairs and everything with a cost of RM15K for a minimum no of 500pax normally. So 1000pax means RM30K already.
If it is outdoor, some wedding planners can also cater your tent/table chairs along with food and decorations for lesser cost. Most likely RM20K for 1000pax.
Then you started to question who is these 1000 people you're inviting?
Who is these 1000 people you'll spend the money on?
-We start with immediate families. Means your parent's siblings and their kids. And your parents aunts and uncles and theirs kids. OK. That could be no more than 100.
-Then your friends,
Your high school friends, let say 50, college friends-50, and colleagues-50. So that would be 150 but some will bring their partner and families. Lets say 300. Add your husband/wife's friends as well but you two might have numbers of mutual friends, so we go with 500.
- Then you have to include your parents friends, their high school friends and colleagues. they live longer than you so they'll have more friends and their friends will have more kids so lets go with 350 each and their mutual friends so take both as 700. (lets just assume others as neighbors are included in the 700.
So that's in general, and its around 1300 guests.
And clearly to cater a wedding for 1000 guests including your hantaran would be more than RM20K.
Some of these people you don't even know or not very close with, and some don't even know you.
In short, you spend money for OTHER PEOPLE.
First we will started to think what other better things we can do with RM20K.
1. Downpayment of a house.
Or two. Or four if we're talking about those low downpayment undercon houses that developers do nowadays.
2. Travel.
With RM20K you can go way further than South East Asia. Think about Balkans, Central Asia, Nordic countries, practically anywhere.
You can name thousand other things to do with RM20K, I'm just naming the 2 most significant use of money for me.
PHASE 2
Then when you started to test the water, and you dip your legs in the water almost knee deep, so to speak, you started to like it a little.
This normally happen to girls. Particularly when they started surveying wedding dress and trying one.
Why? because now is the part where you spend the money on YOU.
Girls love all pretty things, and love to be pretty themselves.
Wedding are one occasion they can make it all about themselves. Brides are the center of a wedding. If the girl haven't got the chance to wear make up and fancy closing in her everyday life, being a beautiful bride is something they look forward to.
Same case where we always see women obsessed with beauty products, make ups and clothes, and accessories, they are not doing it for other people, (yes some doing it for attention), but most just do it for their own satisfaction.
Same goes to weddings, even the most budget restrained brides would want to look good on their wedding day.
Some brides who don't want to splurge on their wedding, still willing to spend more on having a beautifully made wedding dresses, because that's the chance where they can be a princess for a day, the most beautiful person for a day.
And then the decorations.
When you already decide on your wedding dress color, everything goes from there, you start to think of the surrounding to match you and the dress. You'll visualize the color your family will wear, the bridesmaid, the table cloth, the flower arrangements, the dais, table center piece, the cake etcetera etcetera.
Then when the price tag starts to follows, the reality hits again. Who am I doing all this for? Who am I spending these money on?
Where do you draw the 'not-spending-unnecessary-money' line?
but you love the dress, it'll make you look like a princess. you love the color scheme, your family/bridesmaid dress, you love the flower arrangement and the table center pieces, everything will look good in photographs.
And what the photographs are for?
For uploading in social media or for your own satisfaction?
Or a little bit of both?
and then PHASE 3
Where you realize the ceremony is NOT yours only.
Its other people's as well.
You want to do it like this, your parents want to do it other way, your siblings have their opinion, your grandparents weigh in, you relatives have ideas,
And opinions clashed and some feelings got hurt.
and for what again?
The best case scenario is you get to do a simple, doesn't cost as much as normal wedding, yet beautiful wedding of your dream.
But this cost cutting will means cutting what normal wedding have.
1. Biggest chunk of that cost, comes from number of invitee.
for me personally the purpose of inviting people are to let people know that you are married.
Because in our religion, that's the main reason why you have to do a little feast, to announce the marriage. When people know the married couple can avoid slander and misunderstanding from society.
In old days, most of us got married with a person from within our village or district.
Hence, they invite almost all the people from the village because most likely the people knew who the brides and grooms and their families are. So it made sense to call people you always meet to a feast, when the purpose is to let them know you already changed your status.
But nowadays, kids no longer live with their parents/some even live away from high school (and more often than not some families doest stay at one place since they got married untill their child got married) most likely these kids didnt know who are the people in the village other than the one who lives next/opposite to them.
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