Counting Days

Harini saya cuti. Its the end of the year, kerja xbanyak and annual leave still banyak,(since I dont travel to far places this year) so I took my leave here and there this month.

But harini for some reason tenang sikit, construction sebelah tak bunyi kuat sangat, tak hujan lebat or panas terik. Feel comfortable doing nothing in my own house.

Been thinking a lot lately, way more than I should.
Mostly because I'm turning 30 in few weeks.

I've been scared and nervous for God knows why.
Some say I shouldn't think too far ahead. We can think ahead, but thinking too far ahead will destroy our ability to feel and live the present. because we dont know the future, we dont even know how long we're going to live, so why thinking about the unknown?

I know that.
But humans are a creature of habits.
We kept making the same mistake over and over again.
I dont know why turning 30 is too big of a deal for me.
Its just numbers.
But it does scares me, I dont know what it is that scares me.
Whether is the growing up part, how life feels more and more real as you get older, the responsibility it brings, or the restriction that come with, or the opportunities i may or may not have, or other things?
I need more days like this, to think, and to ponder.
About life, and everything else.
So far Im grateful of what I have.
Hoping that I will continue to be grateful for the rest of my life.