Late night thoughts

I'm supposed to go to One U today and lead there, but for some reason I couldn't and doesn't feel like going to pcp on a Saturday, so somehow I ended up guiltily binging The Stranger Things.

I don't usually watch new tv series or movies. Cos I dont want to get attached or glued in front of the tv. I normally just watched things I have watched before because then I can stop any time I want. Its weird I know. But today I feel like watching it. I think I've watched the season 1 before but I cant remember why I stopped.

So basically what I'm trying to say is, after I found climbing, I dont even spend time to watch movies or tv series anymore. I only wanted to climb every free time that I have. Other than to work of course.

And then I got to season 3, where Nancy Wheeler was so pretty, and she's wearing this cute black and white dress with mint colored belt and pumps in this one episode, and then I remembered, I used to wish that one day, Ill be the girl that always dressed up in fashionable outfit, ever since I loose my highschool weight. In uni I used to wish that I have money to buy all these cute dresses, and because I dont actually get to wear all those cute outfits, I write a blog post about planning to wear them. And when I do have money after I started working, I dont have time to go shoppping for all this cute outfit, and even if I do buy some cute outfit, I dont really have place to wear them cos I work in a freaking engineering company till late night everyday and sleep the entire weekend. And now I'm 35, I still never do that.

Ever since I found climbing, the only place I go shopping is at Cotton On and that is to buy more leggings and cute tops for climbing.

I used to like to do many things in my twenties, dance to Blackpink songs, watch movies, put on make up, learning new language, but I do none of that now.

Will there be a time where I no longer like climbing and I will finally try and wear some cute outfit like my younger self always dreamed of. But when? When Im 40? But then again I could not imagine myself not climbing. 

But then again remember the time that I talked about Arsenal 24/7, worshipped Asene Wenger and went out 3 in the morning alone to random mamak to watch the Champions League? And now I dont even know who's the player anymore. 

But maybe being obsessed with a sport that you dont play is different than the ones you actually play.

Maybe at the time, I just want to belong to something in this world. And supporting a football club give me that feeling.

Climbing is different, I actually climb, and train and compete, and watch the international comp, watch the athletes compete.

But how about the other things in life that I want to do?

When do I get to do it?

Its 3am.

I dont know why I'm typing this.