2024 so far..

 Alhamdulillah all is good, not super great not super bad, just good. 

Though I do feel a little bit frustrated I got my period on the last 10 nights of Ramadhan (managed to at least pray full taraweeh on night of 21st but then have to endure 2 days of painful stomach cramp. But sickness washes away our sins hopefully.

Pray to God I can reach next year Ramadhan.

This year is also the year where my career is doing good and my boss have high hopes for me, feels weird people have expectation on you but I actually AM at that age where people starts looking up to you and expects u to lead the way and deliver. 

Funny how life is, you've been wondering what to do for years since you're graduating, hoping somebody can give you advice on what to do, what path to take in life, and when there's nobody to guide you, you just wing it and see what's work,  and one day u just cant wait for advice anymore cos you're freakin 37, But you still have so many unresolved questions!

So again, I'm torn between having to work well at my job and maintaining my climbing life. I know a huge chunk of the earth population will say why would you still want to climb(play) at this age? Focus on your work.

But climbing makes me happy, it is my identity, what I'm good at and the most important thing, it keeps me healthy going forward later in life. 

And Im not letting go of my work this time as it is the perfect job i have been looking for a long time. 

Now its just the matter of ME managing my time and attention. 

I can do this. 

I've been living my life without having any guidance/people to seek advice for the rest of my life, so what difference it makes now? I'll just press on as I always do. InsyaAllah.

2024!

Welcoming another year.

I mostly felt overwhelmed, good kind of overwhelmed. What's with work and climbing and Aran's wedding, thus having to find another house again. 

All are things I'm happy with/I love, but they still overwhelmed me. 

But mainly I'm trying to actively improve my health, cos I really want to do my best at my job and of course maintain my climbing life.

I still have all these racing thoughts in my head. Event though I'm no longer sad, (serotonin levels getting better) but I truly have no patience to write anymore, BUT still I wanna write at least something in this blog. not letting it die anytime soon. I mean no more word vomit. 

Being self aware and being in Tik Tok era, (information overload), few words that keeps popping up in my feed is 'adhd' and 'high cortisol level', been researching about it and keeps seeing , Magnesium deficiency, L-Theanine/Tyrosine, Probiotic, Ayurveda herbs etc.

So lets see if we can try to work on that this year, and see if could improve my focus cognitive function as well.  

HNY!

37!

 OK to be honest, this is the year that I'm finally admitting that I'm growing old. No more denying.

Firstly because this year 100% ppl will call me kak already, and the lowest age I can tell people without they second guessing is 29.

I mean my Enercon US boss did thought I was 26 (when I said 36) but then again he's American.

And Opah Anjang did ask if I'm still in school(uni) but she's almost 90 and in poor health. (God bless her.)

So both doesn't count.   

And then there's the grey hair. 

The amount of grey hair I see this year is alarming. Chaoi literally have to sit for 20mins to pluck those obvious ones protruding on the top of my head. Not accounting those at the side of my forhead.

And then there's climbing, While strength wise I thought getting better, fitness wise, I can silently admit I'm getting breathless when I do endurance.

I used to refused to admit that I cant climb better bcos I'm old cos obviously I climb better than most ppl in their 20s.

Also I cant say that cos I literally started climbing at 29. Actively training at 33. 

Unless I have been climbing since Im 16, I'm not gonna say I'm too old for this shit.

BUT, 

this year, I think I can say that, (though I still will not) because I have been climbing hard for 4-5 years now. There is some if not a lot of differences I can feel in my fitness level. 

But I'm still hopeful. and I wanna see how far I can go still.

If those Korean aunties can still climb 7c at 40-50yrs why cant I?

So HB to me!

MUSE Will of The People World Tour 2023!!!!

 

My first Obstacle Course Race - O-Zone Games 2023

 just put the title in here first story later.

Vietnam Trip 2023 - Photo Dump

Was feeling down, monthly dopamine dip biasalahkan, 😒

When I read my last post rasa grateful pulak, tula manusia senang sangat lupa benda2 best, benda2 xbest je yg nk difocuskan. Anywho, dumping my recent Vietnam trip photos here as part of my gratitude towards life. Random gila trip last minute. But Alhamdulillah.

Also, who knows Chaoi is actually a great photographer!😍

Psyche! New post.

haha just dont want to leave that last post in a bitter note.

Actually life has been good. moving in an upward direction hopefully, as it has been stagnant for about a decade.

Just probably not in the way I expected it to be. 

But like we always heard many times throughout our life, when God takes something from you, its because He wants to give you something better I guess. Something that you dont know is better for you.

Been busy with work and excited about it (that makes huge difference). Not on Prozac anymore and feels okay about it. I'm really digging my short hair look nowadays. Managed  to find a way to climb consistently still, new timing new partner, new project hopefully.  InsyaAllah if ada rezeki will travel again soon. And I have TWO Nurita Harith pieces for raya this year. TWO!

Uni me must be so happy.

So lifes (finally) getting good I guess. InsyaAllah. Syukur.