0sm0sis, Nyamuk W4LL

So I finally sent 0sm0sis on 15th Aug 2026. 

I want to talk about it. But not in the perspective of how this classic route changed my life or someshit but as just matter of factly, one of the life experience that I had in 2 parts. 

Back in 2021, I projected the route as encouraged by my climbing groups at the time. 

I was my old overthinking, sad, negative self, but was driven by the psyche of sending streak from 6c to 7b in a span of Nov 2020 to January 2021.

Yes some might say I'm not ready for 7c, I should've trained more or whatever tf opinions these so called senior climbers have. I was riding the group psyche, motivations was coming from so many directions. You cant deny the group/team spirit in sports does have its own way of making you excel as compared to training alone/on your own. 

Then human sentiment happened, and the group that I thought was steady was only steady in good times, not in delicate, complex, emotional situation. Not blaming other people, they are just young people who wanna have fun while I'm always this intense older person wanting deeper connection for no reason. 

So I took a step back, finding comfort from other people, finding myself even(?) trying to listen to whomever was interested enough to care about my internal struggle. (Also without actually knowing that person's actual intention).

Tried back after couple of months and nothing ever happened afterward. Had to learned another lesson in between. Then I got focused on indoor climb and eventually work and  time flies as I left outdoor all the way from 2022 till 2024.

Then its 2025. It was my 10th year of climbing, I'm a better person mentally, though still overthinking, im no longer negative, sad or assumptive. Im generally a happier person. 

One of the core believe that made me failed in my 2021 0sm0sis attempts was that I was being too emotional about it. Tie my whole self worth to it for some God knows reason.

So I thought Im ready to resume my project, send it, and move on to the next climbing adventures. 

January began and I started finding outdoor partners. It happened a week or two and then life interferes. and I stopped. I started again in May but as I felt stronger than ever, only 2 weeks in, I got sick in June. Then in August I found Sol who specifically wants to project it. I was so convinced that I would send it within a month with my new found positive mental attitude. 

But I kept falling at the crux. 

I didnt send it in August, nor in September nor in October and then it was raining season, (damn my old self would've cracked) I started again in January 2026, February (Ramadhan) I even climbed while fasting, and fall before the anchor for the first time. Even then I wasnt sad or down. Not even crying. I cried on every failed attempt back in 2021. You dont know how proud I was with my 2026 self.

Kept doing it March April May June still falling at the crux and wondering whats wrong all those months. Fell before the anchor again too at some point. Kept getting feedback left and right. I can get the crux if I fall and rested, but couldnt get it from one go. 

Then I went to Merapoh in July, forget about the project for a while. I realized that, in 2021, I dont just climb outdoor, I bouldered,  I lead indoor, I ran - 2021 was my best run year of all time in my life still to this date. (Though 2026 still in its last quarter) and I did other workouts. 

Maybe the explanation can be as simple as that, my engine is not as good as I was in 2021. Yes the mental aspect is through the roof, maybe its just as simple as general fitness.

So after I came back from Merapoh, I started to run zone 2. Just zone 2. I havent been running for close to a year, so I start slow. And then I started to add autobelay endurance session midweek. 

As fate would have it, I send the route on 15th August, close to a year if I considered starting from August 2025 with Sol. 

So there it was, in 2021, I was on a run, I have been projecting and sending gradually from easier routes to harder ones for 3 months, my fitness was there strength was there but my mind got distracted by what people say, by my own expectation, by the weight of desperately wanting the send.   

In 2025/2026, i havent been projecting for 3 solid years, gone straight to a 7c. didnt boulder consistently, didnt run, and didnt do any endurance training in between projecting. I just literally projecting. Maybe it does work for routes lower than 7b. but for a 7c i dont think just persistence would cut it, well it could, but u have to persist for a year. 

So i guess i learned my lesson, hard. 

Maybe its not that deep. Its just both physical and mental have to come hand in hand.

Not saying that running and autobelaying is the key to sending my project but it does give me that last missing % .

So now that 0sm0sis is behind me, Im charging to my next adventure. But still I appreciate the whole experience. Those who belayed, who advices, whos there with me in the process. Those part I especially cherish. Theres always something deep in all our life experience if we care enough to find its meaning.